What You Missed...

Hi Little One...
We had a fun family outing tonight & again, like other random times, I thought of you & how I can't wait for you to get here & be a part of our daily lives!!
It turns out that since we thought you were going to be from Ghana, we expected to know who you are by now... & even expected to have visited you at least once this summer, so we didn't make any summer vacation plans this year.  Now that things have changed, we're capitalizing on family time in different ways... like a family fun trip to the car wash....What?  You're wondering how that can be fun??



Because son, this??  This is quality time in action....

This is the kind of fun you have to look forward to when you have your own children.  Because it turns out that when you have kids, the very idea of having a clean van sounds exhilarating!  And when you get here, it will be even more fun -  because you'll not just be adding to the mess of the van, you'll be adding to the fun the kids had discovering lost toys under the seat, a couple fortunes from old Chinese cookies & chasing each other around the car wash parking lot.
Until one of them had to pee.... and nope, it wasn't baby girl (which would have been much easier being that she's still in diapers).  Instead it was your other sister... so things pretty much weren't as fun for her after that.  After that, she just sat on the car seat out on the parking lot with her legs crossed.
Which really is another thing I should mention:  When you come to join our family, the kids will have to teach you their fun trick of not going to the bathroom at home.  You'll have to talk to them about what their schedule is, but somehow they have it worked out where at least one always needs to go about 15-30 minutes after we leave the house.  So you'll have to work on figuring that out with them, but then we'll just add that to the list of fun things to do as a family when we are out & about.
Another thing the kids thought was fun at the car wash is the vacuuming hose.  Despite the fact that the carpet in the car is way dirtier than the carpet at our house, the suction of the car wash vacuum is a lot less than the vacuum at home.  So your baby sister thought it was a riot to put her fingers inside.  (Turns out mom didn't think it was quite as much fun picking all the grass, hair, & morsels of old, leftover food off the carpet & feeding it into the hose.)
Dad thought it was fun to do a quick wipe down of the plastic with some antibacterial wipes in the van.  At least, he said he had done it...   I'm sure he just thought the dried Cheerios & green sticky popsicle were part of the plastic of the van since it had been there so long...
So, yeah, you're missing out on some fun times.
But somehow I have a feeling when you get here things are going to get a lot more fun!
And don't worry - tomorrow afternoon we'll wonder when the last time the van got cleaned was anyway, so you know... more fun family car-wash times are in the future!

G.R.A.Y.

I know, it's been awhile... & it's not that adoption isn't on our hearts as fervently as it was "pre-Ghana-meltdown", it's that we are still working hard to get everything figured out... so keep hanging with us because I hope to have a more formal announcement about our new plans really soon...
In the meantime, I wanted to blog a bit about the gray issues of life - because we were faced with a lot of those lately within our adoption process, but really so many of us face them on a day by day basis...
You know what I'm talking about right?  Those decisions that aren't so black & white - no "go this way" versus "go that way".  A lot of life ends up in the gray unfortunately & we all try our darndest to make the (hopefully) best decision with the (hopefully) best results (or perhaps we don't try that hard to figure it out & don't care if it's the best decision & then most likely we don't end up with the best results... yep, we've all been there a time or two - not my best places for sure...)
  The summer after I graduated from college, I headed up to Miracle Camp as a counselor (one of the best places on Earth by far... like "You have just made it through your crazy school year, what are you going to do?!" "Go to Miracle Camp!!!" kind of place...)  So back in the day, the counselors would run these "workshops" for our high school camp week (basically a 20 minute class with some type of life skill) & a few of us got together &  decided to come up with a class to help the kids learn to think critically about all the gray issues in life.  Thus, G.R.A.Y. was born....
(And quite possibly no one remembers this class or the G.R.A.Y. tools we put together, but turns out I needed it too back then...and turns out I still need it!!)
So here's what we did back then: After naming a bunch of  "gray issues" (for example, the Bible never says "Thou shall not smoke" or "Thou shall not have sex before marriage" or "Thou shall only listen to music that says the word 'God' in it") , we talked through an acronym using the word "gray" to help figure out how to get through those issues...
G - - Go to God (Start by praying, end by praying, pretty much, pray your way through it - if you aren't asking for wisdom, you're not going to get it...)
R - - Read the Word (While, you may not find an out & out answer to your question, you can find a lot to point you in the right direction...For example, one of my favs in high school was 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own, you were bought at a price, therefore honor God with your body.")
A - - Ask people you trust (This doesn't mean the man at the grocery store that you see once a week, (though I sure do love my produce guy at Kroger)... I'm talking about who you really respect in life, who you   really look up to in life...  It might be a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a friend, a counselor or maybe the produce man happens to be your dad anyway, which is great for a number of reasons...moving on...
Y - - Here's what's really sad - I can't think of what the Y stood for.  So if anyone was in that class 12 years ago & took intricate notes & then kept those notes preserved & you happen to be reading this, let me know! (I just know so many people will be jumping at this opportunity to help me out!)  And if anyone can think of anything that even sounds remotely good, you are more than welcome to share that as well....

So that was G.R.A.Y. then... as for now -- well, now, the basic premise holds true, it's just that the issues have gotten more complex.  When I put myself back in high school, the issues I first mentioned were plenty tough to deal with (& unfortunately along my high school & college ways, I didn't always remember - or rather, chose to ignore G.R.A.Y.), but it definitely feels like the issues then were more internal, more personal - yeah, they influenced other people, but not to the extent they do now.  You factor in having kids & now it's like "We want another child but have been advised not to have one on our own - do we pursue adoption?" or "Should we adopt in country or internationally? within our own race boundaries or transracially?"  or lately, "Should we pursue an adoption in such & such country?" And then the always follow up - "And how in the world is this going to affect the 3 children we already have?????"
So we've gone through G.R.A.Y. alot during this adoption process......
And we also have had many nights, especially lately, when we have hardly slept...
But I figure no one wants to hear about how we laid in the dark for hours watching the minutes tick by so let's just end on the easier to explain G.R.A.Y. note.  You're welcome.

Becoming part of the solution...

Well, it's been a week....
I want to protect people & agencies, but this past week we had to say NO to a 3 year old in Ghana & then while trying to pursue a 5 month old in Uganda, found out that another family got matched to him first - by a matter of hours...
Whoa...
And I want to make a couple things clear in that last sentence (the one before the "Whoa" that is...)...
First, the 3 year old & the agency he was with was NOT our agency & a number of things started not sitting right with us as we found out more information (for example, & this is just the tip of the iceberg - we were first shown his picture with no information other than an approximate age.  I will explain why that didn't sit right with us in the next paragraph.)  Initially, it felt exciting, but see, international adoption can be tricky, especially in African countries where often there isn't a certain set of rules & guidelines that are to be followed.  So unfortunately, it can leave room for disturbing things such as trafficking, corruption motivated by money, & essentially actions that don't keep the best interest of the child in mind.  In other words, you can either become part of the solution to the 147 million orphans around the world (for whom international adoption is a just a part of the process of them becoming placed into families), or you can just be one who adds to the problem that is international adoption & make things slow down for everyone, harming the children along the way.... All along we have desired to become part of the solution.  We are a family who recognize our desire for another child PLUS we recognize there are millions of children around the world who desire a family.  And while that seems like an easy enough match, it doesn't always happen that easily.  So along the way we have been very committed to an ethical adoption which means we have had to move slower...which means we have to be careful to cross every "T" & dot every "I"... which means that sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy in all the fact checking!!  First we check on the agency - (for example, looking for reviews from other adoptive parents, asking if the agency is doing any orphan care in country besides simply international adoption, asking about who they work with in country, their financial status as an agency, etc.).  Next we check into the orphan himself - (for example, why were they orphaned, is there anyone in the extended family who would want this child, has their been opportunity for the child to be placed with a family in country, etc.)  And then we recheck it all again.... So when we did all this to the 3 year old in Ghana basically things felt shaky & we knew we needed to say NO....
And it wasn't hard really, but it still felt really sad...  Because sometimes becoming part of the solution doesn't equal out the way you hoped it would.
The second thing I want to clear up is in regards to the little boy in Uganda - it was unique situation any way you looked at it.  And again, I have to protect him, his new family, his mother, etc. so I can't share many details, but just know that this was a rare case where an infant was available because of some very harsh circumstances.  And then once you could look past the difficult situation that orphaned him, you had to come to grips with the fact that Uganda adoption in general is risky in terms of the way it is going.  They have had a large amount of corruption & unfortunately a lot of that is also within those processing the adoptions in country.  (Plus then you hope to have a judge sensitive to international adoption & there was one there, but he was in the process of transferring out so we were going to be in a major rush to get all our paperwork transferred not to mention a major financial step.)  But through prayer, discussion & a bunch of those checks & rechecks again, we felt okay to move forward....  Just in time for another family to claim him hours before we did.
Ohhhhhh...kay...
Now one thing that helped with the hurt in the Uganda process was that we were never given his picture.  In fact I specifically requested that they NOT show us his picture.  For me that creates an emotional connection that I didn't want to have present when making this decision.  Ryan seems to be able to not get as attached, but in my opinion, especially for women, it's just part of the problem again, not part of the solution.  Once you see a picture it's hard to not immediately think you should take that child.  The hopelessness in their eyes is near unbearable to look at... But that child may not be the one who is best for your family, not to mention the checking & rechecking about his orphan status.  On the other hand, I believe that when we receive a referral & have the full story & feel more certainty with moving forward to adopt whoever that little one is- that referral picture will become one of the dearest things of our entire life.
So, that's the past week plus of our lives adoption-wise (really it started 2 weeks ago, but just ended about a week ago...)
And we're moving on... pressing on... persevering on in this journey with no end in site.  All because we hope to become part of the solution.
I guess only time will show how it all equals out!

It's Gonna Be Worth It All...

I would say this song pretty much sums it up...
And it is well worth 5 minutes of your time....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnf21GC2aBQ

Amen...

Thoughts I'm thinking...

It's been awhile since I wrote on here, & I know a lot of people have been wondering & asking me "Where are you at now?" since everything got really fuzzy back 3 weeks ago... Well, we are kind-of in the same spot (which is part of why I haven't written in awhile)... And more than that, I'm still having difficulty processing everything myself (as is Ryan), so it makes it even more hard to explain to someone else....
But here are random thoughts I've had in the last few weeks:
THOUGHT 1:  I'm thankful that when I truly don't know what to say in my prayers, I can cry out "Daddy, Abba, Father!" & the Spirit intercedes for me knowing exactly where my heart is....
THOUGHT 2:  I'm wondering why I ever thought a Floatable Alphabet was necessary for the kids' bathtime.  I mean seriously, can the kid just have fun once in awhile?  Why do we think we need to use every moment including splashing in the water to try to make them smarter or give them an edge??  "Oh you want to know why my son was reading before kindergarten?  Well, we have this great alphabet set that sticks to the walls of the bathtub for like 5 seconds before falling off...." 
THOUGHT 3:  I'm thinking that God is still impressing the desire for another child on both Ryan & I's hearts.  So knowing it's still there at least gives us a push to keep moving forward...
THOUGHT 4:  I'm thinking that international adoption is a big, crazy mess.  And it is, it just is... listen, domestic adoption is hard enough without imposing a whole 'nother country into the mix.  You do that & you just are destined for more work & more hardship.  You go ahead & try with a country from Africa where they are still very much figuring out the role of government within their country & well, it's even that much MORE work & MORE hardship... (For example, we recently found out that the woman who issued the suspensions of adoptions in Ghana does not have a legal right to impose that suspension. So while obviously it's likely the possibility of a true suspension or legal changes related to adoption is going to have to be addressed soon in Ghana, for now the suspension isn't playing out in country near the way this minister would have hoped.  Many regional directors are still going through all that needs to be done to legalize the adoption on their end.)
[BTW - for more information on the craziness that is international adoption right now go to http://buy.stuckdocumentary.com/.  This is a site dedicated to the new documentary making waves called "Stuck".  It's the perfect title for so very many families & so very many, many children.....]
THOUGHT 5:  I'm also wondering why, oh why, my house is getting dirtier when we are in it less???  It's always the most frustrating part of the summer for me - home a lot less, dirtier a lot more...Coincidently, my 5 year old daughter wrote on my mother's day card this year the following: "My mommy is good at... cleaning.  My mommy likes to.... clean.  My mommy is often... cleaning."  (Which is kind-of humorous yet sweet except that my husband was laughing really hard for some reason....)
THOUGHT 6:  I've been thinking a lot about loss & how (or in many times, if...) we allow ourselves to experience loss.  One of the best gifts my mother has shown me as I've become a mom is the "right to grieve a loss".  She has a good friend who is a counselor & who gave that gift to her... She always says that we need to "grieve our losses". 
All of us go through loss of something or someone in our lifetime & whether society would call them "big" or "small" does not matter.  What matters is that thing or that idea or that dream or that person was important to us.  And I'm learning that if we don't grieve the loss, we end up stuck - whether it's stuck being bitter, stuck in the past, stuck in our frustration, stuck in our "What If's?"....
It's been said there are 5 stages to grief & the person who can accept the loss often goes through those stages to varying degrees to reach the end...
1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5)  Acceptance
Last week I finally realized that I had been doing this.  I was starting a grieving process as we are faced with a very real "loss" in terms of our dreams of adopting from Ghana & it keeps hitting me every week that goes by with no real news for us.  That dream meant that we were sure we would be traveling there at least once by the end of this summer (which means we were saving up vacation time for that & now that it's not here, we are scrambling to figure out what to even do this summer!)... That dream meant that by now we would at least know who "he" was - have a face, a name.... That dream meant we would stay with the same agency, same country all through the adoption even if (when) we encountered some paperwork issue later on in the process, then we would fight & get through it with a son in tow returning home joyfully before Christmas of this year... It didn't seem to farfetched to me or to others in terms of how Ghana had been running.  But you all know it's not like that now & while it's still going (& for that I'm so grateful!), it's not looking all that steady for people like us who have yet to be matched to a child (whether through a referral or finding a waiting child) plus there are certainly a lot of slowdowns right now in general & uncertainty for the future all the way around.  Initially when we heard the news I was well into Stage 1,  "God will change her heart", "It's not really happening the way we are hearing".... pretty quickly I moved to stage 2 & 3 together I think - - "well we just hang on because it guaranteed to work out in the end"... or frustration at organizations & people at every end of the spectrum... Stage 4 started hitting last week, I cried to a friend of mine who is a teacher in the middle of the school day... No, I really did - like, there she is with her class behind her & for what I think was a good 10 minutes after she had asked me "How is it going?" I start talking & then crying & then I look behind her & see all those kids & think "Oh my word, what is wrong with me??".   (She was so gracious by the way - kudos to her for not interrupting me with a "So, I have 26 first graders I'm in charge of? Remember those???")  I cried earlier that week too a number of times with Ryan & then on Friday it was pretty much a meltdown all day so that by the end of the day I had swollen tissue all around my eyes & really, let's be honest, my whole face... And then I had to attempt to cover that up so we could attend a graduation party & then my son's baseball game... not pretty people...literally...
I think I'm still there to a degree, but there is a little more fight back in my right now as we continue to pursue all our various options again.  We constantly pray for direction, for wisdom, for peace.  And we aren't going to move from where we are until we feel that clarity (which we all know could take awhile, so pretty much, I need to sit back & buckle my seat belt...)

So here's my thought on this lately  - it's not just me.  I'm not the only one going through loss right now.  I've talked to friends these past weeks & realized how very often we have to do this in our lives.  It's not just like one time in your life, it's like over & over & over again.... Your child didn't make the cheerleading team or the traveling soccer team?  Well, she may need to accept the loss, and then maybe you do too because you had hoped she would follow in your foot steps...  You found out that you or someone in your family is facing a devastating illness?  That's just pretty much going to blow you off your feet & if you don't deal with the loss, it's going to leave you knocked down....  You realized that someone close to you isn't who you thought they were or that the relationship you had with someone isn't what you thought it was?  That's really tough stuff & you have to admit the depth of that loss in your life...  Your house isn't as clean as you wish (as indicated by the things your little daughter is picking up... & usually eating... off the floor)?  It's a loss of what you thought so admit that it's dirty, that it's not what you hoped it would be, & go outside & have fun with your kids...
Sorry, just had to throw that one in there...
Anyway... The truth is - it's real to you, so grieve it - - - grieve it so you can come to stage 5 - - - grieve it so you can accept it & grieve it so you can move on....

In one minute....

In one minute the whole direction of your life can change...
Our family's just did....
Have you had this happen to you before?  Probably you have but just in case you haven't - if you imagine someone standing straight in front of you & just punching you square in the gut, then yep, you got it. 
That happened today. 
In one minute, I read the email from our adoption coordinator. "...a directive has been issued from the ministry to the regional directors that all adoptions must be suspended in Ghana immediately"
And that was it.  Just like that. 
What it means is that we're waiting to hear back about what our options are at this point - hoping to hear some the end of this week & some next week.  (By the way, you can't wait on 2 lists/2 countries - you have decide on one & go with it.)
What it means is that we will most likely not be with the Ghana program (if there will even be one after this week), especially since we hadn't even received a referral.  In adoption terms, that means we are on the bottom of the dog pile.
What it also means is that we've "lost" a year of time, months of paperwork & a half of our adoption money that we had set aside.  (I say "lost" because we won't ever get that back.)
And if I let my mind go there - on what it all means right now  - well, I would be the one lost.  Lost in regret, lost in anxiety, lost in despair...
But here's my "1000 Gifts" List:
First, I'm so thankful for the way God has been working on my heart the past week.  If He hadn't I wouldn't have been able to hear this news today.
Second, I'm so thankful for my hubby - my steady hubby who trusts & loves so much better than I do. 
Third, I'm thankful for my kids.  Oh my darling children.  I don't know how we will tell them.  It will be quite a lesson on trust & hurt & trust again for them as well.  The daily/nightly prayers they uttered on behalf of their "brother from Ghana" & the orphans of Ghana.....  The African music that is played often in our house...(& was in fact, sung to by them even today after I heard the news - you better believe I was choking back tears the whole time.)  At some point when we have some clearer direction we will share with them, but in the meantime we will keep praying with them for the dear little ones in Ghana & believe that nothing is wasted (if you haven't read my last post, now would be a good time to switch over there:  http://www.livingloveeph5.blogspot.com/2013/04/nothing-is-wasted.html)
{{The above was written on Tuesday night, the night after we found out....continuing on with thoughts that I have had in the past 2 days since...}}
As of today, nothing has changed & really, I think there is still so much to process with all of this.  This week is a waiting like we have never waited before (more like a waiting-on-pins-&-needles kind-of waiting).  It still, as I type this & think over it all, makes me feel sick to my stomach & if I let it go on, could make me "lost" as I said before. 
I am thinking on these things as I pray:
The main thing is that (& I'll just be honest here - this is going to be somewhat controversial & not sit well with everyone) it's true I believe in miracles & believe that God could completely change the heart of the National Minister in charge of all this.  Really, I do.... but I think when I get wrapped up in praying for that & for some big huge miracle to occur, I'm missing what God is doing now, right now, in this situation.  Sunday we had a phenomenal sermon about prayer based off Acts 4:23-31.  The disciples had just been pulled into court & essentially told to stop talking about Jesus, and they decide to gather & pray.  This is a pivotal point in their ministry & in that moment, everything hinged on their next decision.  They sure must have had a "punch-in-the-gut" experience as they were faced with either death from talking or staying silent about the Lord who had changed their lives & commanded them to "Preach the Gospel".   If you study that prayer, there is very little supplication (or asking/telling God what to do/how to do it).  The majority of the prayer begins with acknowledging who God is, in other words, His character, and also acknowledging what He has done & said in the past, His faithfulness.... There is once verse in there asking for boldness (vs. 29) but everything else is just praises & expressed confidence in who God is & that His will is what will prevail.   As I type this, all I can think is, "Teach me Lord"..... "Teach me to pray like that!  To be so sure & confident in You that I don't have to go asking for something all the time.  To be so sure & confident in You that I know you will do what is for our good, for the good of the children in Ghana & for Your glory according to Your time & Your purposes."  I want that more than anything else.... you know what friends?  I want that more than I want another child.  And that is really, really hard to say right now, but it's the cry of my heart & it's the lifting up of my hands & it's the laying down of my will & it's the bowing of my knees....  Your will Lord Jesus, not based on what I wish would happen, not based on what I think would be the best way or the good way, but based on who YOU are!!
To be honest, it's been hard to not just want to hole up & want to take time to process all of this - I'm having to force myself to keep going, keep getting out.  Yesterday I went on a walk with my little one, & my sister & 3 of my nieces.  The 2 older ones were riding their bike & it was a bit of a trek... We had instructed them to stop at each of the corners to take a break & wait for us slow mommies to catch up.  At some point in one of the blocks, they stopped at a nice shady spot because they said they wanted a break.  Quickly we had caught up to them & they had to get back on their bikes & then go just a short distance to the corner where they should have stopped & waited for us & where they would have had a longer break & not had to get back up on their bikes.  Now, I'm probably reading way more into this than I should but you know what I thought??  I thought to myself "Ryan & Janelle, do NOT get off the bike when it feels like you're tired & need a break.  Do NOT get off the bike because it seems like a good spot to stop.  Because if you hold on a little longer, He will take you to the right break - the right end, not the one that seems easy & safe to you, but to the one that will reap more reward."  So hear me on this, I'm not going to get off the bike this time & sit in my bed & question why He started us on this journey over a year ago only to have it feel like it's "ending" here.  I'm not going to start to question His character because a lady who has a high degree of power in Ghana gave out a directive halting adoptions.  We may need to steer in another direction, yes, that much is true, but it's not like we get off the bike when things don't seem to go as planned. 
(And by the way, if you have been along this journey with us, would you keep pedaling behind us??  We need the push of your prayers & the encouragement that you bring to us;  it helps to know you're cheering us on & care about us!)
Lastly, as a side note, I don't know what in life you are facing right now that feels like a punch-in-the-gut....  but if you claim Christ as your Savior & Master, then keep on pedaling - don't give up now!!  We both know that God is Much Too Wise, Much Too Good, Much Too Loving to only bring you this far & leave you.  The end may not be what you want it to be, but it will be much better...
And if you don't believe & you're trying to muddle through the muck & mire of that situation, there is a God who loves you dearly, who not only created you in a unique way, but longs to redeem Your life from that pit & set you back on a firm road of purpose.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber."  (Psalm 121:1-3)

Amen..... Selah....

Nothing is Wasted....

Oh my....
So lover of all things music (meaning me...) just heard this song today on the radio for the first time.  I'm not much of a radio person anymore, are you?  I love me some Pandora, love listening on my phone or Kindle to songs I downloaded, still in love with my old school CDs, & if I could find a tape player to play my ancient tapes of DC Talk (first album thus the simple name, DC Talk) & some Psalty for my kids, I totally would  (I think it's like my parents' records - kinda hard to let go!).
Anyway, every now & then when I'm driving I like to turn on the radio to various stations 'cuz I really like all types of music.  Ok, maybe not exactly all because I have trouble getting into really twangy country (the twang just throws me off "y'all", but hold up - I love some good bluegrass!) plus Southern Gospel & I have always had a bit of a struggle (I can't figure it out & for some reason it can't figure me out either), BUT overall I could listen to about anything & not only "appreciate" it, but love it!!
Here's the thing though - if you give me a good beat, good melody & then put in some deep, thoughtful lyrics to go with, I am so lost in you..... Like sing-my-heart-out-in-the-car lost... Like close-your-eyes-&-then-quick-open-them-because-your-driving lost... Like swaying-my-head-&-body, tapping-&-raising-my-hands, swerving-back-&-forth-in-my-lane lost....Get it??
Well, that's what happened when I heard this song today.  And I brought up the radio thing at the beginning in the hopes of saying that maybe you've already heard it & it's been out awhile (totally forgot to get to that point in the first paragraph).
And I'm telling you all the music stuff because the truth is, what was more amazing was that it wasn't necessarily the beat this time (it's true - I'm a sucker for rap & hip-hop... I know what you're thinking -  total white girl addicted to "black music" - - "Wassup wid tha?" -- yep, totally just said that) ....
And it wasn't even that the melody is so catchy that you're whistling it all the time (also a crazy whistler, but not half as crazy as my hubby is - we whistle way more than the average person)...
It was the words.
I got completely lost in the words... and the more I listen, the more lost I am...
'Cuz I look back at so much in my life & I know, I KNOW, nothing is wasted.
And I'm praying that one day I'll look back on this waiting & this journey & know that every day, every week, every month, & every year (because the first one is quickly approaching) has not for ONE SINGLE MOMENT been wasted.
What do you look at in your life & think "Man, what a waste of time...."?  What have you gone through that feels so far gone, so much pain, so much heartache & plain old "ugh" that you just want to forget it ever happened?  You know that thing??  That thing isn't wasted.
And oh my word, is that amazing news or what??
So here it is - this song with amazing lyrics that gets me lost for just a couple minutes.
(Hopefully you can just click on the link but if not, jump onto YouTube & type in Jason Gray's "Nothing is Wasted" - the lyric version!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvnBhtbATag