Sonshine....

     So my Sonshine turned 7 today - 7 people!!!  It's so hard to believe that much time has passed since I carried him!  And last night he asked "How do babies get born out of their mom's body?"  We really should prepare ourselves for those ones in advance - after all, this is one nearly every kid asks, so why was I so shocked & stammering??  (BTW - that was followed up by another thought-provoking question "How many animals are in the world?"  In many ways, that one was a lot easier to answer - "I have no idea...".... And as another side note, for the first question, I went with a gentle truth - in my opinion, always better than a stork... I mean, really, a bird?!?!.....)
     I remember wanting a baby before I became pregnant with him which was kind-of a foreign thing for me.  I was never "that girl" growing up - the one who couldn't wait to be married & have kids.  Nothing wrong with "that girl", she just wasn't me (Incidently, my beautiful roommate in college was not only "that girl" but we routinely prayed that she would have quads - she got 3 gorgeous children, all separate, instead & is still incredibly grateful.... So see, I was already praying that over someone, just not myself!)  I think the change, the desire, got sparked when I transitioned from full-time PICU nurse to Peds Office Nurse.  Office means "normal", well-child, healthy, which is about as opposite as PICU as it gets.  I finally realized that it's possible to have a child that doesn't have a heart defect, doesn't have their insides all messed up & doesn't get run over by a car... (Sorry to say it so nonchalantly but that's what happens when you work ICU - a bit jaded is a nice way to put it... )
     So, I started wanting one - a normal, healthy child if possible, but I knew I would love whatever child God put in our lives (& I even would know the best doctors to help him!!).  Months later, I found out I was pregnant & carried that boy for 9 months - the last month being mainly on bedrest due to high blood pressure (that's a whole 'nother blogpost...).  And when he finally arrived - oh my word... It was like the sweetest thing - bigger & better than ANYTHING I could have imagined!  And I praised God every single day that he was healthy!!!  And I loved him fiercely!!  We named him "The Lord is Good" & I loved him for reminding me of that.... In fact, for a long time, I called him my best friend.... having a hubby who traveled for work & no immediate family in town meant a lot of togetherness & we went everywhere together & I told him just about everything!  Yes, he was just an infant, & yes, he could barely talk back, but seriously, how perfect is that?  Right, moms??
     And I can tell you that today, 7 years later, through good days, bad days & every day in between, I love that kid like no other - he is my firstborn & nearly every day I want to just squeeze him so tightly & not let go... Being a super active boy, hugs aren't high on his list of priorities unfortunately, so as he leaves for school  these days we each kiss our hands & give each other a high-5 - that has met his qualifications for acceptable lovin'.... (for now.... )  I call him Sonshine a lot because he literally brightened up my life.  He opened up a whole new world for me - that of "mother".  And he made me want to do it again, and then again, and then to open up my heart up even wider for a child who already has a birth mother, but who needs a forever mother....And every day since, I am realizing it is the MOST important job I will ever have.  And despite rarely being thanked & often feeling under appreciated, I am not only choosing to do it again, I am believing it to be the most rewarding job I will ever have as well.
  Happy Birthday Sonshine!!
"This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.”   ― Jodi Picoult