Ok, so a little over a week ago, I wrote the "Words" post. If I was smart, I would know how to just type the word "here" & you would click on it & it would take you to that post in case you didn't read that one yet, but here's the deal.... I'm not smart. At least not in terms of blogs & internet & technology - and some would argue that I'm just not smart, but again... that's a whole 'nother post....
So, here's the 2 things I was reminded of after I wrote the "Words" post....
First, I do & feel SO much better when I actually learn to express my feelings - whether verbally or writtenly.... (and yes, spell check, I again realize that is not a word, but this is where my smarts are again showing - I cannot think of how else to say that word....if someone has an idea, feel free to let me know - in a kind way please & thank you!).... Anyway, this was a lesson I started learning a little over a year ago - for some reason in the past it was working for me just to bottle up & not talk about my own feelings, to just "power through", but I think in anyone's life that is only going to work for so long.... For me, it fell apart having my littlest- things weren't going so well during that pregnancy & after, & I finally learned that if I told my hubby how I was really feeling, I felt better (& our marriage got better too - added BONUS!)....
Second, I did some major talking to the Lord. This is another thing I have had to grow in - I've always loved to read my Bible - I mean I go through ups & downs of actually taking the time to do it, but once I start back up again, I actually just crave reading it & learning from it (see? I do have a bit of smarts about me!). But to take the time to be still? to not only talk to the Lord but to be still before Him? Well, that's a toughie for me... But I took some time to do that - to quiet myself before Him & to just tell Him little things like:
"I trust you." ......
"I know you love me."....
"I know you have a special place in your heart for orphans & you honor the requests of those who want to give them forever families."......
"I know you know the desires of our family's heart.".......
(And if I wasn't sitting in McDonald's on a lunch break from teaching, I would take the time to type out all the verses that back up all I just said, but I am.... sitting in McDonald's that is.....& freezing by the way - just literally shaking from the cold. Thanks for the Wi-Fi, but could I get a little heat in here?!?!)
Anyway, remembering those things always bring me out of myself & back to the Prince of Peace & geez, aren't there just days that you want that so, so bad????
I mean, seriously, I HATE it when people tell me God is a "crutch" & again, could totally do a tangent on that one because it's one of the most ignorant things someone can say, but then, you know what? On the other hand, sometimes I guess I just NEED a "crutch", don't you?!?!?! I mean, aren't there days in your life that you just want to lean on something, someone, some "other" than yourself?!?!?! And you hardly feel like putting another foot in front of the other because it's quite possible without that "crutch" you would fall to the ground?!?!?!
I have days that like that. And a week ago, I had a few days like that. And I had to get out my "crutch" because without it I wanted to just sit & fall & wallow. And you know what, thank GOD for a "crutch"!
So in the past week, I've re-learned those 2 lessons that I should have learned awhile ago (not sure why this whole "smarts" thing keeps coming up this post, but it does....).
Yesterday helped too - Yesterday we spent an hour - yes a FULL HOUR on the phone with our Ghana program coordinator from Dillon. First off I would just like to say, God bless GameCube & "screen time" as we call it which kept my kids distracted enough that Ryan & I could actually have an adult conversation on the phone with another adult (nearly a miracle, I'm telling you....). Second, God bless Dillon International & our coordinator. LOVE, LOVE this agency & her!! I cannot tell you how many times I think this - in a country without "rules & regulations" & where you get to choose whether you will live a life of integrity or deceit, they are doing things RIGHT & we are beyond grateful for that!! It's why leaving our agency will be the LAST RESORT for us.
(OK - side note - I have decided that McDonald's is blowing cold air in here to get us to by their coffee. Which is so underhanded..... but it is SO working!!!)
So, our coordinator spends an hour talking to us about the state of international adoption in Ghana. Things are tough right now, yes, but they are tough everywhere... & doors are not shutting in Ghana right now... YET. Will it happen? Maybe.... Will it happen in the next year? Maybe, but it's not looking that way right now. Is Ghana a program for older kids right now? YES - really always has been. BUT - Is a 3 year old considered an older kid? YES.
Another God thing that happened was yesterday I had to make a quick run to Wal-Mart & I truly believe it was NOT a coincidence that I ran into our friend from church who is also in the process of adopting from Ghana (with another agency). She is a bit more adoption-experienced than we are, so she said to make sure we asked our coordinator about the other 2 families ahead of us on the referral list (remember we are number 3). I never would have thought to ask this & guess what?? The other 2 families ahead of us are looking for older children (5 & up) & one of them really prefers a girl..... Do you know what this means???? This means that the next 3 year old boy that comes up could very likely end up being referred to us! And the likelihood that it will happen within the next 12 months isn't that crazy to imagine......
And I type this long post, shaking like a leaf in McDonalds, not as just a reminder on this crazy journey, but to encourage you that God is working - He is always working!! In fact (as my small group study reminded me last week) in Isaiah, it says He is actually sitting on His Throne working.... He is not wringing His hands in worry; He is not pacing wondering what to do next; He doesn't have His finger to His head trying to come up with a new plan because international adoption is slowing down. HE IS WORKING! And He is working for my good & His glory..... And He is working because He loves me.
Wow..... I am so grateful..... and also so cold, so very, very cold...
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Why I hope my kids grow up to be Ugly Nerds....
Ok, confession time...
Most days I pray that my kids grow up to be ugly.... or nerds.... or even better.... ugly nerds.
Before you decide I'm an awful mother, unfit for adopting another child, hang with me....
Many moms wish for the popular thing for their kids. And let's be honest, they aren't even wishing for the "I hope my kid is well-liked by all" type of popular. They are secretly hoping their kids make the "popular group" system that is found in every school, every age, and every class (this means they hope this in their mind, but don't say it out loud). And, let's be even more honest.... hate to break it to you moms.... but.... it's not that much of a secret. We all see you & we all get it. You are grooming your kid for popularity. It's not just an "I hope she has on the cutest clothes" or "I just want him to have the cutest haircut" anymore - - it's more like "I put her in both dance & cheerleading at 5 so she is in all the right things to 'succeed'" (& here, I'm starting to question your definition of success because is learning a victory chant to a cheer really the most successful thing you could do for your kid??) or it's like "We are discouraging his interest in playing the trombone & hoping he starts getting the hang of basketball, third try around...." (Let's just call it what it is... you think marching band is for "geeks" so you want to foster his other "gifts".) Yep, those are the "many moms" that I'm talking about - "whatever we can do to prep him for popularity, let's make sure we do it" moms....(incidentally, I have nothing against dance, cheerleading, basketball, instruments or anything else of the sort!!)
There's another group of many moms.... These are the ones who wish for the "most beautiful" for their kids... To be fair, we as parents are automatically conditioned for this at the get-go. Consider how many babies are termed "The Most Beautiful Baby in the World" just minutes after birth. Never mind that they are covered in fuzz.... Never mind that they have a wax coating on top of that fuzz... Never mind that they are red & screaming with an incredibly angry look of despair on their face... Never mind that their heads are shaped like cones.... they are "Truly the most beautiful baby I have seen in a long, long time... maybe even ever....and to think they are mine! Isn't it amazing???"
(And just so we are all clear, I should know all about these things because, you guessed it - I have birthed the 3 most beautiful babies this world has ever seen.... )
But this is going beyond - "you're so beautiful because you are my child" type of thing... This is the "What can I do to insure you are the most beautiful when compared to all the other children" type of thing....It's beyond cute clothes, cute hair - it's make-up at age 7, it's lifting weights at age 8, it's encouraging a boob job or a nose job or whatever else as a 16th birthday gift because if you only had that, then you, dear child, will have arrived at the "Most Beautiful" status where all the boys want you & all the girls want to BE you....
And while it's true that I perhaps exaggerated at parts of those examples, the majority of those examples are all very, very sadly, true.
Which leads me to my hope for ugly nerds.
I work in junior high & senior high schools now. I'm an RN with her BSN working as a nurse educator for the WPC talking in the schools about HPV & other STDs... (No, seriously, I am...)
So, I work with teens a lot & try to keep up with teen talk, which generally goes okay because I'm learning that they actually WANT to talk about this stuff with someone who won't get all uptight on them & will just listen & care.... But I digress...
The fact of the matter is that the more research I do for my job & the more I find out about what teens are facing now-a-days (yes, even when compared to the little over 10 years since I was a teen... did I say 10???? I'm sure I just meant 5..... yes, 5, I'm positive.... ), the more I realize that I'd rather my kids just be ugly nerds. I just think it's easier all the way around....
Okay, truthfully, I DO want them to be beautiful. But the whole mom thing means I reserve the right to always think they are beautiful, even when, as one 7th grade student told me today, "volcanoes erupt" on their face.... bless his dear face... (did I say face? I meant his heart, yes, his dear heart.....poor kid). And when I watch teens at school sometimes I think, I truly think, the pretty ones always have a much harder time.... harder to remember what's important & what matters.... harder to fend off the grabs & jabs of the guys who are still really maturing (that's a nice way to put it, isn't it??).
And, truthfully, I DO want them to be popular. At least in terms of what being popular really means - I want them to be well-liked by the jocks, the bandies, the singers, the honors kids, the losers - by ALL the kids.... BUT (& it's a big BUT) I don't want them to be well-liked because they fit into any of those things....because in the end, how much do those things matter??? I mean, really matter??? Are we defined by those things??? Sometimes what I just want to share with the teens I teach is that what you DO does NOT define you, it's who you ARE that defines you! In other words, it will ALWAYS be more important to figure out the BEING rather than the doing.... The doing comes. In fact, you have years ahead for doing, but if you don't figure out who you are - well, that's when you end up in trouble....So if you're doing to DO, then make sure you are learning to BE at the same time.
So, see, sometimes it feels like just having ugly nerds would be a lot easier!!
Anyway, at the end of it all, these are my dreams for my kids - not to be the most popular but to treat everyone justly & fairly.... to have wisdom about what is right & wrong & good & bad (because there IS such a thing as all 4 of those....).
These are my dreams for my kids - not to be the prettiest, but to love kindness & mercy..... to show compassion to everyone, but especially those who hurt, who are outcast, who are having a bad day or don't feel like they fit in because of the volcanoes on their face, their frizzy hair, the glasses on their face, their awkward 2 left feet or whatever else makes them feel "out" (& especially the kid who has all 4 of those!!!!)
These are my dreams for my kids - not to chase after things that are temporary & don't last but to be
humble... to consider others better than themselves & to therefore show respect & honor to everyone regardless of color, class, or any other way we try to segregate each other.
And if it turns out they are ugly nerds in the process, well, maybe it will protect them a bit along the way, and for sure... well, for sure, they will always be MY ugly nerds.
Most days I pray that my kids grow up to be ugly.... or nerds.... or even better.... ugly nerds.
Before you decide I'm an awful mother, unfit for adopting another child, hang with me....
Many moms wish for the popular thing for their kids. And let's be honest, they aren't even wishing for the "I hope my kid is well-liked by all" type of popular. They are secretly hoping their kids make the "popular group" system that is found in every school, every age, and every class (this means they hope this in their mind, but don't say it out loud). And, let's be even more honest.... hate to break it to you moms.... but.... it's not that much of a secret. We all see you & we all get it. You are grooming your kid for popularity. It's not just an "I hope she has on the cutest clothes" or "I just want him to have the cutest haircut" anymore - - it's more like "I put her in both dance & cheerleading at 5 so she is in all the right things to 'succeed'" (& here, I'm starting to question your definition of success because is learning a victory chant to a cheer really the most successful thing you could do for your kid??) or it's like "We are discouraging his interest in playing the trombone & hoping he starts getting the hang of basketball, third try around...." (Let's just call it what it is... you think marching band is for "geeks" so you want to foster his other "gifts".) Yep, those are the "many moms" that I'm talking about - "whatever we can do to prep him for popularity, let's make sure we do it" moms....(incidentally, I have nothing against dance, cheerleading, basketball, instruments or anything else of the sort!!)
There's another group of many moms.... These are the ones who wish for the "most beautiful" for their kids... To be fair, we as parents are automatically conditioned for this at the get-go. Consider how many babies are termed "The Most Beautiful Baby in the World" just minutes after birth. Never mind that they are covered in fuzz.... Never mind that they have a wax coating on top of that fuzz... Never mind that they are red & screaming with an incredibly angry look of despair on their face... Never mind that their heads are shaped like cones.... they are "Truly the most beautiful baby I have seen in a long, long time... maybe even ever....and to think they are mine! Isn't it amazing???"
(And just so we are all clear, I should know all about these things because, you guessed it - I have birthed the 3 most beautiful babies this world has ever seen.... )
But this is going beyond - "you're so beautiful because you are my child" type of thing... This is the "What can I do to insure you are the most beautiful when compared to all the other children" type of thing....It's beyond cute clothes, cute hair - it's make-up at age 7, it's lifting weights at age 8, it's encouraging a boob job or a nose job or whatever else as a 16th birthday gift because if you only had that, then you, dear child, will have arrived at the "Most Beautiful" status where all the boys want you & all the girls want to BE you....
And while it's true that I perhaps exaggerated at parts of those examples, the majority of those examples are all very, very sadly, true.
Which leads me to my hope for ugly nerds.
I work in junior high & senior high schools now. I'm an RN with her BSN working as a nurse educator for the WPC talking in the schools about HPV & other STDs... (No, seriously, I am...)
So, I work with teens a lot & try to keep up with teen talk, which generally goes okay because I'm learning that they actually WANT to talk about this stuff with someone who won't get all uptight on them & will just listen & care.... But I digress...
The fact of the matter is that the more research I do for my job & the more I find out about what teens are facing now-a-days (yes, even when compared to the little over 10 years since I was a teen... did I say 10???? I'm sure I just meant 5..... yes, 5, I'm positive.... ), the more I realize that I'd rather my kids just be ugly nerds. I just think it's easier all the way around....
Okay, truthfully, I DO want them to be beautiful. But the whole mom thing means I reserve the right to always think they are beautiful, even when, as one 7th grade student told me today, "volcanoes erupt" on their face.... bless his dear face... (did I say face? I meant his heart, yes, his dear heart.....poor kid). And when I watch teens at school sometimes I think, I truly think, the pretty ones always have a much harder time.... harder to remember what's important & what matters.... harder to fend off the grabs & jabs of the guys who are still really maturing (that's a nice way to put it, isn't it??).
And, truthfully, I DO want them to be popular. At least in terms of what being popular really means - I want them to be well-liked by the jocks, the bandies, the singers, the honors kids, the losers - by ALL the kids.... BUT (& it's a big BUT) I don't want them to be well-liked because they fit into any of those things....because in the end, how much do those things matter??? I mean, really matter??? Are we defined by those things??? Sometimes what I just want to share with the teens I teach is that what you DO does NOT define you, it's who you ARE that defines you! In other words, it will ALWAYS be more important to figure out the BEING rather than the doing.... The doing comes. In fact, you have years ahead for doing, but if you don't figure out who you are - well, that's when you end up in trouble....So if you're doing to DO, then make sure you are learning to BE at the same time.
So, see, sometimes it feels like just having ugly nerds would be a lot easier!!
Anyway, at the end of it all, these are my dreams for my kids - not to be the most popular but to treat everyone justly & fairly.... to have wisdom about what is right & wrong & good & bad (because there IS such a thing as all 4 of those....).
These are my dreams for my kids - not to be the prettiest, but to love kindness & mercy..... to show compassion to everyone, but especially those who hurt, who are outcast, who are having a bad day or don't feel like they fit in because of the volcanoes on their face, their frizzy hair, the glasses on their face, their awkward 2 left feet or whatever else makes them feel "out" (& especially the kid who has all 4 of those!!!!)
These are my dreams for my kids - not to chase after things that are temporary & don't last but to be
humble... to consider others better than themselves & to therefore show respect & honor to everyone regardless of color, class, or any other way we try to segregate each other.
And if it turns out they are ugly nerds in the process, well, maybe it will protect them a bit along the way, and for sure... well, for sure, they will always be MY ugly nerds.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Words....
I'm a talker.... always have been...
I'm the type who has had to grow in learning the power of words - not that I don't use them, more that I do, & I want to be aware of the strength & effect those words have on others.
I tend to be an encourager, a "rock" as my college roommate used to call me (good things when you want to be a nurse....).... WAY better at dealing with others emotions & issues than my own - when it comes to my own, words seem to leave me....
And here's the thing about right now & how I'm feeling adoption-wise ...
I'm a mess.
Like truly, can't-form-words, mess....
I'm struggling to explain how I'm really feeling & it's partly because I'm struggling to figure it out myself. And perhaps, it's just that I'm a woman & we get emotional without knowing why sometimes (I know this was a big shock to all the men out there, so I'll give you a moment to get yourself back together.....AND......... moment's over.....)
But I'm starting to wonder if it's just part of this adoption journey & quite possibly I'm on the downward fall of the roller coaster.....
All along I've shared that Ghana is starting to slow down. Our hope had been that we would plug in to Ghana before it REALLY slowed down & for awhile, it seemed like that was happening - we were just ahead of the curve, so to speak.... But then the past 3 months as we've gotten letters from our agency, that curve has unfortunately been catching up to us.... The referral that was 6-9 months away became 9-12 & as of this past Friday, the referral that was 9-12 months away became 12 + months.... Worse than that was the news that our preferred age is not even a likely option for Ghana right now (a change since we started). As I type this, I am still processing all of this information - which means that it's still very raw to read, let alone type & I am literally shaking right now......
I'm not sure what it even means for us. Do we continue on with Ghana? Do we need to change countries? Do we need to change agencies? Do we need to change our age? Do we continue to dump money into something that isn't possible, let alone probable?
This is the scary part of adoption for people like me (read, Type A....).
I don't like the not-knowing. I don't like the no-control.... In fact, let's re-word those last sentences because I was WAY too nice there....
I HATE THE NOT KNOWING!!!!!!! I HATE THE NO CONTROL!!!!
(& Yes, that's how I really feel!)
It goes against so much of what I am & it truly is like a war inside of me....
I spent the weekend preparing for a big party at our house. And to all of those who came & will read this, I really did have fun & I really did enjoy having you here :o) .... BUT I have to be honest here as I keep this record of our journey...... As I cleaned my house & all our African trinkets & memories & pictures we have collected from trips there, silent tears were pouring down my face and it was all I could do not to burst into tears....
And when my son showed me his paper on Martin Luther King Jr. that compared his own life to MLK's & he wrote down that he has "2 sisters & 1 brother" & I tear up & think, "Really? You do? He's that much a part of you already that he's a brother???"
And when my kids start talking Friday night about getting married someday & how they plan to have one or 2 kids, but then to adopt like 2 or 3 more from a place where there are a lot of kids who don't have families, I cry & think "I'm proud of you, really I am, but because of all that is happening with international adoption, you may not even get that chance.... So someday you may WANT, really WANT to adopt a child to add to your family, but unless you adopt a newborn from the United States who has a mom who is absolutely sure she wants to give her child up for adoption & not just abort instead, you probably won't get that chance....."
So when you ask me how it's going & my eyes get red-rimmed as I tell you we are waiting & that the "plan" was to be half-way through by now, but it looks like we may be just at the beginning....
Well, ladies & gentlemen, this is how I'm really feeling....
discouraged, check....
frustrated, check....
disappointed, check....
confused, check....
angry, check....
heartbroken, check.....
And to be fair- we haven't even hit what could be the hard stuff yet. As I type this, there are families who are SO CLOSE to having their children from Ghana and are running into MAJOR problems - not just "I'm so sad our wait is getting longer" problems, but more like "We can't finalize the paperwork to bring our son home" kind-of problems...There are families who have been waiting over 3 years just for a referral - they have a child in their heart & for 3 years they have no idea who that child is - it's maddening to even think about...
But for right now, this is how I'm feeling.... this is where I'm at.... and this was my best attempt at putting words to my feelings.
I'm the type who has had to grow in learning the power of words - not that I don't use them, more that I do, & I want to be aware of the strength & effect those words have on others.
I tend to be an encourager, a "rock" as my college roommate used to call me (good things when you want to be a nurse....).... WAY better at dealing with others emotions & issues than my own - when it comes to my own, words seem to leave me....
And here's the thing about right now & how I'm feeling adoption-wise ...
I'm a mess.
Like truly, can't-form-words, mess....
I'm struggling to explain how I'm really feeling & it's partly because I'm struggling to figure it out myself. And perhaps, it's just that I'm a woman & we get emotional without knowing why sometimes (I know this was a big shock to all the men out there, so I'll give you a moment to get yourself back together.....AND......... moment's over.....)
But I'm starting to wonder if it's just part of this adoption journey & quite possibly I'm on the downward fall of the roller coaster.....
All along I've shared that Ghana is starting to slow down. Our hope had been that we would plug in to Ghana before it REALLY slowed down & for awhile, it seemed like that was happening - we were just ahead of the curve, so to speak.... But then the past 3 months as we've gotten letters from our agency, that curve has unfortunately been catching up to us.... The referral that was 6-9 months away became 9-12 & as of this past Friday, the referral that was 9-12 months away became 12 + months.... Worse than that was the news that our preferred age is not even a likely option for Ghana right now (a change since we started). As I type this, I am still processing all of this information - which means that it's still very raw to read, let alone type & I am literally shaking right now......
I'm not sure what it even means for us. Do we continue on with Ghana? Do we need to change countries? Do we need to change agencies? Do we need to change our age? Do we continue to dump money into something that isn't possible, let alone probable?
This is the scary part of adoption for people like me (read, Type A....).
I don't like the not-knowing. I don't like the no-control.... In fact, let's re-word those last sentences because I was WAY too nice there....
I HATE THE NOT KNOWING!!!!!!! I HATE THE NO CONTROL!!!!
(& Yes, that's how I really feel!)
It goes against so much of what I am & it truly is like a war inside of me....
I spent the weekend preparing for a big party at our house. And to all of those who came & will read this, I really did have fun & I really did enjoy having you here :o) .... BUT I have to be honest here as I keep this record of our journey...... As I cleaned my house & all our African trinkets & memories & pictures we have collected from trips there, silent tears were pouring down my face and it was all I could do not to burst into tears....
And when my son showed me his paper on Martin Luther King Jr. that compared his own life to MLK's & he wrote down that he has "2 sisters & 1 brother" & I tear up & think, "Really? You do? He's that much a part of you already that he's a brother???"
And when my kids start talking Friday night about getting married someday & how they plan to have one or 2 kids, but then to adopt like 2 or 3 more from a place where there are a lot of kids who don't have families, I cry & think "I'm proud of you, really I am, but because of all that is happening with international adoption, you may not even get that chance.... So someday you may WANT, really WANT to adopt a child to add to your family, but unless you adopt a newborn from the United States who has a mom who is absolutely sure she wants to give her child up for adoption & not just abort instead, you probably won't get that chance....."
So when you ask me how it's going & my eyes get red-rimmed as I tell you we are waiting & that the "plan" was to be half-way through by now, but it looks like we may be just at the beginning....
Well, ladies & gentlemen, this is how I'm really feeling....
discouraged, check....
frustrated, check....
disappointed, check....
confused, check....
angry, check....
heartbroken, check.....
And to be fair- we haven't even hit what could be the hard stuff yet. As I type this, there are families who are SO CLOSE to having their children from Ghana and are running into MAJOR problems - not just "I'm so sad our wait is getting longer" problems, but more like "We can't finalize the paperwork to bring our son home" kind-of problems...There are families who have been waiting over 3 years just for a referral - they have a child in their heart & for 3 years they have no idea who that child is - it's maddening to even think about...
But for right now, this is how I'm feeling.... this is where I'm at.... and this was my best attempt at putting words to my feelings.
Friday, January 4, 2013
AND.....
In my last post I shared our first round of disappointing news concerning our appointment for fingerprinting with USCIS. This is one of the last steps in line before putting together out dossier to be sent to Ghana, so we were definitely anxious to get it done... Well, I was what you would call anxious, & Ryan was more just wanting it to get done soon - and believe me, there's a difference between the two! :o)
So our first appointment was literally scheduled the day & time of our Firstborn's scheduled surgery to remove his tonsils & adenoids. It's a story that will only make this one longer, but we felt clear direction & peace that we needed to postpone that fingerprinting appointment for the surgery. So over 2 weeks ago, I sent in our request for another appointment. (I should mention that the fingerprinting office is similar to the DMV except that you can only be accepted if you have an appointment for that day & time - so it's really just that they give you an appointment & you have to go ...sans kids. And we were pretty prepared for that in terms of babysitting, Ryan getting off work & making the 2 1/2 hour trip up to the USCIS office,,.) On Wednesday I got our 2nd appointment & sure enough, it was scheduled for the a day, in a couple weeks, when Ryan was going to be traveling for work out-of-state. Well, I was not wanting to wait another 3 weeks or more for another appointment time that may or may not work because of Ryan's travel or whatever else... And in the meantime, we kept hearing about adopting families in similar situations who literally showed up at their local USCIS office without an appointment & prepared to wait all day to get "fitted in" to the schedule. So, we started looking at our weeks, wondering if it could be a possibility for us too.... After spending 1/2 a day on the phone to sitters & the national USCIS hotline - it was decided - we would head up Thursday night so we could be at center when the doors opened at 8am on Friday. Talk about rushing to get your things in order... and 3 kids things... one of whom is still technically recovering from surgery & in the midst of his hardest days... geez...
And this is where it gets to be another "Wow God" moment in our journey. I had many people praying for us (thank you, thank you if you were one of them!!!)- specifically that we would find favor with the people there & our trip would not be in vain. In the meantime, I was praying fervently for myself (nothing like being selfish, huh??) - that God's will would be done & He would prepare me for whatever that would mean (in other words, a "NO").
So, at 8:03am, after a quick prayer together, we walked in to a long line at the center. When we got to the front & explained our situation, we were met with a frowning receptionist who was not happy with us whatsoever. "No one gets in without an appointment" "We are way too busy with all the people who actually have appointments." "We only have 2 operators."
AND then ....eventually... the little glimmer of hope... "Well, I'll talk to the immigration office when he gets in, but I'm not promising anything." GREAT! We'll take it!!!
So we wait - maybe 5, 10 minutes & then in he walked. And people, this was a man with authority! Like he just oozed it... you know what I mean? He was a tall, broad, black man with an impeccable suit on & even a top hat - I mean, this guy had it together!! So he calls our name & right away, he basically shut us down - "Why can't you come to this appointment?" I explained that Ryan would be in Atlanta. "Well, there's an office in Atlanta; he can just go there." Except that we had to drive nearly 3 hours to get there today & that would mean I would need to come up on my own.... "Well, it's the holidays & we are short operators & you know, Obama's new allowance for the children of immigrants in jail to stay to get an education is making us very busy." (At this point imagine me just dramatically nodding, like, "Sure, I'm totally up on this new Obama-thing because never-mind that it's enough for me to keep up with ObamaCare & Fiscal Cliffs & Adoption Tax Credits - I'm also up on the immigrants who are in jail & on their children.....") And this is where I just start pleading our case, in essence, begging with tears in my eyes- "Please, we have tried to reschedule" "Please, we drove all this way" "Please, we will do whatever it takes & are prepared to stay literally all day!" (Ryan even was like, "When do you close?" "Okay, we can stay until then")
AND then...eventually... another little glimmer of hope... "Well, why don't you go get breakfast right now. It's just too busy right now but you can try to come back around 10 (it was 8:30am at that point). I'm not promising anything but we will have an hour in there that is usually slower, but it's possible you will still need to wait until the end of the day." Okay, then, you better believe we'll be back!!!
AND then, a bigger glimmer of hope... "You know, you might want to try an IHOP that isn't too far away - I can tell you how to get there."
At that point, I have to admit, I was actually feeling a bit hopeful - this guy softened enough to care about where we could go to eat??? It's quite possible he will care enough about getting us in at some point in the day... maybe...hopefully...prayerfully...
As we started driving I saw a Chick-fil-a not far down the road & Ryan said he'd rather just go there (I don't think either of our stomachs were ready for a big IHOP breakfast). So, we headed to Chick-fil-a, got a little breakfast & sat down with our I-phones ready for a wait (incidently, you couldn't have a cell phone in the USCIS office so we decided at least we were waiting somewhere we could use a phone to help pass the time!) And in that time I prayed for favor & mercy from all in that office...... And then I teared up as I thought of how humbling it is to plead your case before a man who has authority over such a big decision..... And then I realized that I am SO VERY GLAD that my Savior has redeemed my life & made it possible for me to someday, on the day I leave this Earth, stand before the Ultimate Authority & not have to beg & plead my case of why I deserve eternity with Him, but simply say "Jesus".... Oh, I am a blessed woman indeed....
So, a 1/2 hour passed by & Ryan just looked at me & said "I think we need to go back." Ummmm... but it's only 9am... "If we are going to be waiting, we should just be waiting there - even if it takes all day, even if we don't have a phone. We don't want to miss the opportunity that might come up, no matter when it is..." Ummmm...To be honest, this was one of those moments for me...the trust myself, the first-born, do-what-your-told-by-the-higher-ups, follow-the-rules kind-of girl OR trust my hubby, who is feeling convicted about something even if it isn't what we were told to do. And I'm happy to say I choose my husband, mainly because I could tell he felt strongly about it, but in my head I just figured we'd be sitting there an hour before the "magic 10am time". But you know what? My husband wasn't being a rule-breaker; no way, my husband was following the Spirit's leading. Because at that point we left the restaurant, drove to the office , walked back in & simply sat down. On Ryan's command, we didn't announce we were there (like I suggested so that they would for sure notice us.). We never got back in line (like I again stupidly suggested because perhaps, though the office is small, they won't realize we came back in?? HA! Perhaps someone has a trust-issue she needs to keep resolving... Um, not naming names, but perhaps....). So, we simply sat down to wait....
AND within 10 minutes we were called back up to the desk & given a stern "We never want to see you here again without an appointment. We do not do this without appointments, but the office said we can fit you in right now." JOY!!!
AND 20 minutes later we walked out of that building, our fingerprinting officially done!!!! (And I left a comment on a comment card thanking all of them for helping in a part of our journey & our future son's journey- a journey to bring an orphan into a forever family who is so ready to love on him!)
AND my mom texted me this "Thank You, God for Your faithful provision on behalf of our Grandson. Just one more God story of his journey to our family." (& thank you God for an amazing Grandma!!!)
AND I promise no more blog posts that keep starting so many paragraphs with the word "AND"....
(I seriously know my grammar teacher loves me... hmmmm, what was her name again??????)
So our first appointment was literally scheduled the day & time of our Firstborn's scheduled surgery to remove his tonsils & adenoids. It's a story that will only make this one longer, but we felt clear direction & peace that we needed to postpone that fingerprinting appointment for the surgery. So over 2 weeks ago, I sent in our request for another appointment. (I should mention that the fingerprinting office is similar to the DMV except that you can only be accepted if you have an appointment for that day & time - so it's really just that they give you an appointment & you have to go ...sans kids. And we were pretty prepared for that in terms of babysitting, Ryan getting off work & making the 2 1/2 hour trip up to the USCIS office,,.) On Wednesday I got our 2nd appointment & sure enough, it was scheduled for the a day, in a couple weeks, when Ryan was going to be traveling for work out-of-state. Well, I was not wanting to wait another 3 weeks or more for another appointment time that may or may not work because of Ryan's travel or whatever else... And in the meantime, we kept hearing about adopting families in similar situations who literally showed up at their local USCIS office without an appointment & prepared to wait all day to get "fitted in" to the schedule. So, we started looking at our weeks, wondering if it could be a possibility for us too.... After spending 1/2 a day on the phone to sitters & the national USCIS hotline - it was decided - we would head up Thursday night so we could be at center when the doors opened at 8am on Friday. Talk about rushing to get your things in order... and 3 kids things... one of whom is still technically recovering from surgery & in the midst of his hardest days... geez...
And this is where it gets to be another "Wow God" moment in our journey. I had many people praying for us (thank you, thank you if you were one of them!!!)- specifically that we would find favor with the people there & our trip would not be in vain. In the meantime, I was praying fervently for myself (nothing like being selfish, huh??) - that God's will would be done & He would prepare me for whatever that would mean (in other words, a "NO").
So, at 8:03am, after a quick prayer together, we walked in to a long line at the center. When we got to the front & explained our situation, we were met with a frowning receptionist who was not happy with us whatsoever. "No one gets in without an appointment" "We are way too busy with all the people who actually have appointments." "We only have 2 operators."
AND then ....eventually... the little glimmer of hope... "Well, I'll talk to the immigration office when he gets in, but I'm not promising anything." GREAT! We'll take it!!!
So we wait - maybe 5, 10 minutes & then in he walked. And people, this was a man with authority! Like he just oozed it... you know what I mean? He was a tall, broad, black man with an impeccable suit on & even a top hat - I mean, this guy had it together!! So he calls our name & right away, he basically shut us down - "Why can't you come to this appointment?" I explained that Ryan would be in Atlanta. "Well, there's an office in Atlanta; he can just go there." Except that we had to drive nearly 3 hours to get there today & that would mean I would need to come up on my own.... "Well, it's the holidays & we are short operators & you know, Obama's new allowance for the children of immigrants in jail to stay to get an education is making us very busy." (At this point imagine me just dramatically nodding, like, "Sure, I'm totally up on this new Obama-thing because never-mind that it's enough for me to keep up with ObamaCare & Fiscal Cliffs & Adoption Tax Credits - I'm also up on the immigrants who are in jail & on their children.....") And this is where I just start pleading our case, in essence, begging with tears in my eyes- "Please, we have tried to reschedule" "Please, we drove all this way" "Please, we will do whatever it takes & are prepared to stay literally all day!" (Ryan even was like, "When do you close?" "Okay, we can stay until then")
AND then...eventually... another little glimmer of hope... "Well, why don't you go get breakfast right now. It's just too busy right now but you can try to come back around 10 (it was 8:30am at that point). I'm not promising anything but we will have an hour in there that is usually slower, but it's possible you will still need to wait until the end of the day." Okay, then, you better believe we'll be back!!!
AND then, a bigger glimmer of hope... "You know, you might want to try an IHOP that isn't too far away - I can tell you how to get there."
At that point, I have to admit, I was actually feeling a bit hopeful - this guy softened enough to care about where we could go to eat??? It's quite possible he will care enough about getting us in at some point in the day... maybe...hopefully...prayerfully...
As we started driving I saw a Chick-fil-a not far down the road & Ryan said he'd rather just go there (I don't think either of our stomachs were ready for a big IHOP breakfast). So, we headed to Chick-fil-a, got a little breakfast & sat down with our I-phones ready for a wait (incidently, you couldn't have a cell phone in the USCIS office so we decided at least we were waiting somewhere we could use a phone to help pass the time!) And in that time I prayed for favor & mercy from all in that office...... And then I teared up as I thought of how humbling it is to plead your case before a man who has authority over such a big decision..... And then I realized that I am SO VERY GLAD that my Savior has redeemed my life & made it possible for me to someday, on the day I leave this Earth, stand before the Ultimate Authority & not have to beg & plead my case of why I deserve eternity with Him, but simply say "Jesus".... Oh, I am a blessed woman indeed....
So, a 1/2 hour passed by & Ryan just looked at me & said "I think we need to go back." Ummmm... but it's only 9am... "If we are going to be waiting, we should just be waiting there - even if it takes all day, even if we don't have a phone. We don't want to miss the opportunity that might come up, no matter when it is..." Ummmm...To be honest, this was one of those moments for me...the trust myself, the first-born, do-what-your-told-by-the-higher-ups, follow-the-rules kind-of girl OR trust my hubby, who is feeling convicted about something even if it isn't what we were told to do. And I'm happy to say I choose my husband, mainly because I could tell he felt strongly about it, but in my head I just figured we'd be sitting there an hour before the "magic 10am time". But you know what? My husband wasn't being a rule-breaker; no way, my husband was following the Spirit's leading. Because at that point we left the restaurant, drove to the office , walked back in & simply sat down. On Ryan's command, we didn't announce we were there (like I suggested so that they would for sure notice us.). We never got back in line (like I again stupidly suggested because perhaps, though the office is small, they won't realize we came back in?? HA! Perhaps someone has a trust-issue she needs to keep resolving... Um, not naming names, but perhaps....). So, we simply sat down to wait....
AND within 10 minutes we were called back up to the desk & given a stern "We never want to see you here again without an appointment. We do not do this without appointments, but the office said we can fit you in right now." JOY!!!
AND 20 minutes later we walked out of that building, our fingerprinting officially done!!!! (And I left a comment on a comment card thanking all of them for helping in a part of our journey & our future son's journey- a journey to bring an orphan into a forever family who is so ready to love on him!)
AND my mom texted me this "Thank You, God for Your faithful provision on behalf of our Grandson. Just one more God story of his journey to our family." (& thank you God for an amazing Grandma!!!)
AND I promise no more blog posts that keep starting so many paragraphs with the word "AND"....
(I seriously know my grammar teacher loves me... hmmmm, what was her name again??????)
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