My one regret this Christmas......

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!!
Every year I try to get a Christmas Card out.... I usually alternate years with pictures of just the kids & pictures of our whole family.  This year was a "whole family" year.  This meant 2 things:  First, I would have to get in the picture (not my favorite thing to do, especially when I have yet to really lose the weight I gained from my last pregnancy which is Resolution Number 1 for 2013!).  Second, we had to try to get everyone looking at the camera & smiling (we got pretty close as you can see but there again something about going beyond 2 children that makes this A LOT harder!!). 
Thankfully, we are blessed to have a really good photographer in the family (my sister whom I dearly love!!).  She always worries that I'm going to be disappointed, but the truth is, I couldn't be disappointed because she just has "it" - the ability to look into her camera & make amazing shots happen.  With digital cameras, it feels like everyone can be a photographer these days, but Jaime is able to see things differently than "everyone" & her pictures are always fantastic!  For example, she found our background this year downtown on the side of an old building & then knew just how to pose us to make it work.  Quite a talented sister I have!  If I could fly her to Ghana with us to document our journey down there, I totally would (but sorry sis, I wouldn't count on it!!)
But the truth is I have one regret about our card - it's not the picture, but more the card in general.  In previous posts I've mentioned that not a day goes by that Ryan & I aren't thinking of "him"  - our little son who is already in our hearts, but yet to be in our arms...
Well, the day we took our picture, I couldn't get him out of my mind.  Yeah, I smiled when she said to "Smile" but I kept thinking how I wished he was there.  I would wish it when I was telling all the kids to just keep looking at the camera & to just keep smiling no matter what little T did...
I would wish it when I told everyone that it didn't matter how much if felt like they were going to fall over or their knees hurt in the position they were put in.... (So yeah, our card said "Peace, Love, Family" & it's quite possible that it wasn't all together peaceful as we tried to get 5 people posed & smiling at the camera, but we still can hope for it, right???)  :o)
I thought of him when I got the card & saw it & felt like someone was missing...
I thought of him as I figured out what to write on the card...
And then I decided to not write anything about him.... 
It's my one regret this Christmas. 
As I've said before, essentially adoption is like being pregnant for this very, very long time - (at least that's what it feels like to us!).... But what's different this time around is that no one can see the baby growing inside my belly & heart.... So I know people look at us, look at me, & they don't get it - maybe they forget or don't know or whatever - but truth is, I'm carrying a baby in my heart & mind 24/7!  And I get it why it's not something they think about the way we do, I really do...and so... well, I think that's why I did it - why I decided not to write about him on our card.  Because I didn't want it to seem like I was obsessing, or not thankful for the ones I've been given, or like I have to keep throwing it in people's face to remind them when after 6 months, people often are like "Isn't he going to be here soon?"  or "What's taking so long?" (& most of the time, I'm thinking "LONG??  Ha!!  We're just getting started people!  YOU think it feels long?  Try walking in our shoes - thinking about it every day & knowing that if maybe, just maybe, everything goes smooth from here on out, we could be having him home NEXT Christmas.... as in 12 more months... as in this is the longest, hardest pregnancy of our lives!!!!!!")
And so I didn't write about him....
and it's my one regret this Christmas...
and if I could have a do-over, my card would read something like this on the back:
 "From our Family to your Family: May you have a blessed holiday season... & despite the fact that it might be another year or even longer, would you still continue to join with us in praying our little son home from Ghana?  Without a face or name, he has somehow already occupied a place in our hearts & we look forward to someday introducing him to you when he arrives home with his forever family!!" 
No regrets anymore...  Merry Christmas little one...  You are greatly loved....