DREAMS

What do you dream of??
And to clarify, I don't mean the "I was riding my bike in the middle of an ocean when a bear jumped out from underneath the sea & then my husband was a superhero & flew through the air to catch me right before the bear ate me up" kind-of dreams....
I mean the, "I'm lost daydreaming about the most wonderful thing I can imagine" kind of dreams.....
What do you DREAM of??
I read a Facebook comment from another Ghana-adopt momma (btw - Facebook is so awesome for meeting & supporting those in the same situation we are going through - I could not be more thankful for them as we have often joined together in prayers & fasting for each other especially as these past months have gotten tough for so many...)... Anyway, her comment was about her 6 year old son who is now home with them.  She said he told them he used to "dream about having a bicycle & eating chicken every day." 
Oh my word....
A bike & chicken, people....
You know what I thought when I read that?  I thought "I can do that!!"
I thought "Little One, wherever you are,  I have a bike!! And I can feed you chicken & pork & beef every single night of your life in our house!!" 
& then I teared up thinking "I can make your dreams come true!!!" ..... 
But then I thought:
"Isn't it sad that while I can make a little boy from Africa's dreams come true, I so often can't make my own children's dreams come true not to mention my own dreams?????"
Do you want to know why I can't??
It's because she dreams of going to Disney World every year & staying in Cinderella's castle, sleeping in Cinderella's room.....(& baby girl, we are never going to be that rich!)....
It's because he dreams of meeting Albert Puhols & playing professional baseball... (& Sonshine, for so many reasons, I just can't promise you that)....
And way too often lately, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm dreaming about Matilda Jane clothes for my girls... (& sidenote - have you seen the prices on those clothes???  I mean, don't get me wrong, they are GOR-GEOUS but ouch!!  So then I have to try to get them for a bargain so I can afford more of them & then I end up obsessed about finding a good deal because I was raised to always, always find a good deal but as my mom can attest, sometimes I lose my common-sense in the quest for the good deal!! Sigh... this could be a never-ending addiction if I let it become one....)
Do you hear those dreams I'm telling you???  Nothing like over the top, right???  As I type this out it's somewhat sickening to me because we are so Americanized in our dreaming.... so middle-class... so "chasing after the Jones'".... and is that what life is about??  I mean, really.... is that what dreaming is for??
This past week I've been reading 1 Timothy 6 every morning & the following verses keep jumping out at me: " ⁶ But godliness with contentment is great gain, ⁷ for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content." 
When was the last time I was content with food & clothing??? 
When was the last time my dreams were dreams not of the extravagance but of simple pleasure & desires above the basic needs of food & clothes???
 When was the last time I stopped thinking about more of everything & was thankful for the plenty that I already have?
Oh my friends, it grieves my heart to think on these answers....
I can't wait to make the dreams come true for the son born of my heart.  I can't wait to show him his very own bike, to put shoes on his feet that have actual shoelaces that  actually tie.... I can't wait to feed him beef - like real-from-a-cow beef (& if you know me well, you know I'm a bit of a meat snob so you know it's going to be good!!)... I can't wait to show him his dresser full of clothes, to show him the boys' bedroom complete with his very own bed... I can't wait to open up our pantry doors & let him know "We keep food here - it's never going away & you will always, always have more than enough...." 
And I can't wait to keep learning more of what contentment truly is & to share the gift that it is with my children. 
Now that's a good dream......

We Cried For You...

Son, I just want you to know that today your brother & I cried for you...
How do you miss something you have not yet had?  How do you love something you don't know? 
I've said it before but again, it's the most amazing thing, this adoption process.  To care so much for you whose name we do not even know....
Last night your brother had his first sleepover.  I was so proud of him.  He choose a good friend & they both did so well.  We had pizza & made cookies.  They played Mario, Bey Blades, Legos... they made treasure maps, tracks, space ships.... This morning we had waffles & headed to church.  I was proud of them both & thankful, so thankful for friends like this in his life. 
When we got to church, they parted ways - back to families & your brother was quiet for awhile during the worship songs.  And at some point he tugged on my arm & I looked down & he was crying - tears just quietly streaming down his face & when I sat down to ask him what was wrong, he simply said, "I just want my brother."..............................
Do you hear that?  Can you feel that?  It's the ache of a little boy who knows you are out there, but doesn't know your name, has never seen your face, doesn't know how old you are....
And then I cried too - yes, out of my love for you - but also because WHO ARE WE to get a glimpse into this mystery of love????  
That my Heavenly Father would love me in a way that goes beyond my name, beyond what I look like or who I am or what I do.  There is a purity to that love that I can only pray we will always have for each other in this family, my son. 
Because there will be days that we will fight.  There will be days that you want to play legos & he wants to play baseball, or rather you will both want to play legos & you will fight over who gets to use what piece.  There will be days that he is mean & you are angry or you are mean & he is angry.  There will be days that we all are both.... 
Yes, we are guaranteed to have hard days - days that will try our patience, test our love. 
I pray about that often - that on those days the love we have for each other will prevail & that it will make us compassionate, merciful, & full of grace & forgiveness. 
But please know that now... well, right now, we just love you....so much that sometimes, it spills out of our hearts & it runs down our faces.