Life, Liberty & the Pursuit of PLEASURE....

So I can’t get it out of my mind.  Yesterday, I was teaching a sophomore class in one of the outlying towns & there is this girl who said something so… well, human, I guess, but it bugged me to no end.

At some point in my beginning of my teaching I give a little “history lesson” about STD’s.  The fact is that in the past 60 years we have gone from 2 STDs to over 50 major ones, and those 2 that we had back in 1950 were 2 that have existed for centuries.  So it’s a very obvious behavior shift that influenced where we are now…. Anyone guess yet what that was????  Yep, exactly…. The 70s….  Peace…. Love…. & STDs.... (& in that order too…. )
So as I was explaining that while I think the “Hippy Generation” had some awesome clothes, their mindset of “If it feels good, do it” just didn’t work out so good in the long run, this petite little teenager turns to her friend & mutters something.  Never one to not demand me some respect, I asked her point blank “What did you say?” She looked at me pretty boldly & said “I wish I could live in a time like that.”  Well, sweetheart, it’s your lucky day!   You got your wish…. You’re living in it…. ‘cuz not much has changed since then….
(Oh & by the way, did you see the documentary where the guy who had one too many tokes cries on & on about the friends he lost post-70s to AIDS??  Have you ever sat in front of one who lived through that generation & humbly apologizes to his classroom for the mess that was created for this generation??  Have you thought for just ONE SINGLE MOMENT about what it will be like to talk to your kids about the projected 75 to 100 STI’s that will face their generation?  Or maybe you haven’t because after yesterday you realize that if you keep up with your current life mantra, you will most likely mess up your reproductive system so bad it won’t work out quite the way you would have imagined anyway……)

What is wrong with us?? And what in the world is going to stop us from learning to live beyond ourselves & what “feels good”??? 

Those are the days that I drive home & think, “Really?  That’s what I’m facing?” because in so many ways, you wonder how you can really make a difference when a teenager so obviously does not care to look beyond the right now.  And not only that, they refuse to look beyond self…. 

And you know what?  I’d love to blame it on the teenager, but I know better – because way too many adults are stuck in the same rut –“Living for today” & worrying about themselves because after all, “If I don’t worry about me, who will???”

And I get it in a way, really I do – I mean I hear it all the time too…. 

But I look back at history & all the people, well-meaning or not, who have gone through this life journey before me to ask the question, “Really???  You just live your own life & care for yourself & find pleasure for yourself & that’s it??”
No way…. I mean, NO WAY that it’s worked out that way in history.  Person affects person affects person affects person…..  Generation affects generation affects generation affects generation…..There isn’t any “I’ll just do this for myself because it makes me happy & it feels good for me & well, it’s my life.”  It’s more like “I either get that it’s not just about me & the people behind me will then reap the consequences of that”  OR “I get that I do what I want because I want to & well, when it comes down to it, I don’t care how it affects you or anyone after you”….

But how do you explain that to a sophomore in high school?  How do you get someone to figure out that life is bigger than she is & that every action has a consequence whether good or bad & that there is so much more beyond the right here, right now?  (yes, I have the same early 90’s song in my head right now too… shoot….)

Does it take having kids?  More history classes?  Or maybe more social justice classes?  Does it take living in poverty?  Or living with chronic illness?  Or being exposed to other generations – young & old?
I’m not sure – I mean yeah, they are all good options & good intentions.  And at some point I have to believe that an hour long class with me will help break through some of that mindset as well or believe me, I wouldn’t keep doing it…..

But real change?  Real “get out of yourself” change?  Well, the truth is, I’m fighting for it in my own life every single day.   

Because wouldn’t it just be easier to say “Live for yourself.”  “Find what makes you happy & just do it.”?? 

So in the end, teenager, adult, child, parent – we are all having to go AGAINST ourselves to get OUTSIDE of ourselves.  And man is that tough sometimes……

But here’s a bit of hope -- So I met this guy in junior high & He taught me a lot about how to live outside myself by saying things like:

“You have heard it was said, “Love your neighbor & hate your enemies, but I tell you: “Love your enemies…”

“I tell you, do not worry about your life….”

“Make a tree good & its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad & its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.”

“The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart…”

“What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”

“Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant just as I did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many.”

And most promising of all, even if we mess up, even if for a time we choose the pleasure of the now for ourselves over the pain of the fight against ourselves, He has words for us too…..

In fact, to one man, who just couldn’t get out of pleasure for himself, he said, “I tell you the truth, the tax collectors & the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.   For John the Baptist came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors & the prostitutes did.  And even after you saw this, you still did not repent & believe him…..”  (Matthew 21:31-32)
Did you catch that?  The blessing & the warning at the same time?   (He’s kinda cool like that….)  It’s hope for those of us that choose the “fun right now” & it’s hope for that girl from yesterday who so desperately wished she could live life for herself & most likely will end up making choices with consequences that last a really, really long time…… and it’s a warning too ‘cuz listen, how many times do you have to hear it or see it before you allow yourself to believe it???

And you know what’s really ironic in all this?  The minute you get beyond your OWN happiness, your own pleasure, your own SELF….. well, that’s when you start REALLY pursuing abundant life.  And so I’m off  - - to my own pursuit….

Processing... Or Not....

We have no specifics.... just a lot of "it looks like", "it's possible", "seemingly" that lead us to believe that Ghana is on a fast track to major changes regarding international adoption & quite possibly, an entire shut down of the program in that country all together. 
I'm shaking as I write this because I can't really let my mind go there.  I'm struggling to process this information & even last night, as Ryan & I briefly talked it was kind-of like, well, like there just are no words.  Nothing to do when you are half-a-world away.... nothing to do when you know no one in that country & have no one there to fight for you & your motivations....
I suppose I may need to back up a bit & just let you know that the orphan crisis is a HUGE problem world-wide.  Avenues to combat this most effectively are national adoption or homes set up within each nation to care for their own children.  Beyond that, interntional adoption is the next great option.  When we committed to international adoption (IA), we understood this to be our highest goal in terms of ethics - that we would be adopting a child in need of a family that could not be found among his extended family or community (this is always especially the case with toddlers & older children or those with special needs).  Unfortunately, IA can have problems if not well regulated - child trafficking becomes a major issue as well as deception on many levels (the families placing for adoption, the lawyers mediating the adoption, the families adopting).  In Ghana they were primarily finding this among independent adoptions (meaning families who chose to adopt without an agency which means less accountability, therefore greater chance for deception), so there were some recent laws set to come into play late spring/early summer to stop those types of adoptions from occuring within Ghana.  Unfortunately, Ghana (like countries before them) has become "skittish" if you will about the potential for deception & is now set up to drastically change it's regulations in general, if not entirely shut down the program. 
Listen, I get we aren't the only ones affected by an issue like this... It's happened in other countries, it's happening to other families, but right now it feels.... well, again, I'm having trouble processing how it feels.  A friend going through the same thing (who incidently has already met the boy they planned to adopt & are currently finishing the final stages) said that it's like knowing you are miscarrying & feeling helpless to stop it.  I think that most accurately describes how I'm feeling personally.  Like I don't even know what this child looks like that we have pursued & prayed for, but the bleeding has started this week & I am helpless to stop it.... 
And it's true - I am helpless... We are not in control... there is nothing in & of ourselves that Ryan & I can do to change the minds of the officials in Ghana so they can realize that the majority of those desiring to adopt from their country are doing so with good intentions.....
BUT (& it's a big but!)....
I can pray.
We can pray.
You can pray.
Have you ever wondered what your role should be within the global crisis of orphans??? 
I can't answer what all it might mean for you, but I can tell you that it absolutely requires you to pray & friends, RIGHT NOW would be a good time to do it if you haven't before....
Pray that we would realize our struggle is not against what we see... ( ^"For we^[c] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Eph 6:12)
Pray that we would all realize who HAS the control.... ("The foundations of law and order have collapsed.  What can the righteous do?  But the Lord is in his holy Temple;  the Lord still rules from heaven.  He watches everyone closely, examining every person on earth.  For the righteous Lord loves justice.  The virtuous will see his face." Psalm 11)
Pray for the country of Ghana, that the officials would be overcome by a sense of compassion for the orphans in their country, realizing that shutting down IA would only lead to a greater crisis in the very near future - not an answer for any country..... Pray for countries around the world that they would know how to effectively & decisively care for their orphans in a way that is best for the CHILDREN...("Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27)
And my dear friends, would you pray for us?? 
Pray that we would know this past year has not been in vain..... that we would feel God's leading even in the darkness... that we would trust with all our hearts...that we would LEAN, not on our own understanding that is slight, but on His that is infinite... that we would acknowledge Him in everything we do... that we would trust that He is the ONE who will straighten crooked paths & will reveal His will in His time.... ("Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3: 5&6)

We're past our "Due Date"....

SO..... if this was a natural born baby I was carrying & birthing, we would be way past that 40 week mark.  If we could say that all the praying/planning before we actually started paperwork was kind-of like all the "trying" months & that once we started the paperwork, we started our actual pregnancy, well, we'd be over by now.
And if we weren't past it by now, I would certainly be at the "GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!" stage in the pregnancy where you are screaming at everything that moves because, well frankly because you can't..... & so when something moves it just reminds you that you're stuck & not just stuck in & of yourself, but stuck because another person has taken over your body kind-of-stuck.... (No, I'm not dramatic at all  - what in the world gave you that idea?!?!?!)
But sad for us, this isn't a "normal pregnancy" - the fruits of our labor (literally) have not come forth yet.  This weekend we celebrated one of our family friends' birth of their 4th little one (& their first boy, which is super exciting!) & rejoiced with other family friends who accepted a referral (or rather found her on a waiting list) of a little girl in China.  It's so exciting to watch how God grows families, isn't it??  You may think your done, or maybe you aren't sure.... you may wish it could be easier but in the end it's exactly how it's supposed to be.....
I guess I just want it to be stated that 9 months in & past paperwork & over a year in with out hearts & minds, it feels like we aren't even that far along still.  Like maybe we are still in month 5???  That's hard to deal with sometimes as we wait & search waiting child lists & wait some more & then search some more... I can't imagine going through all this time, all this money & not ending up with a child at the end of it all.  Is this a possibility?  Yeah, in a lot of ways it still is which is a bit unthinkable really & I'm not sure how you grieve something you never had (I'm hopeful I won't ever have to know).  But more than that, I think I'm just wanting to chronicle that God is growing me - in ways that I had always hoped but I wondered if it could really be done (after all I'm getting "old"  - I've hit that age where I think it's best to just NOT reveal my age.  And I guess I think that's one of the first signs your getting old - you hesitate & have to figure out if you are just going to say it & move on or mumble it & move on... either way, you're hoping to just move on....)
Yep, there's been 9 months of growth here for sure....It's possible you'll see it - not that there is another little person to see & you start wondering who he/she looks more like....No it's more that you'll look into my life & see, well, a better reflection of my Heavenly Father. 
And while technically we are WAY past our "due date", I'm still hopeful that at some point we'll be able to type that post.... you know the whole "Thrilled to Announce" "Please join us in welcoming" Post.  Who's excited for it already?????  I know I sure am!!!

The RACE Post....

Ok, I'm going there.....
Never really planned to on this blog except that it's about to become a big part of our lives & well, it's been rolling around in my head for the past 2 weeks, so you know... feel like I should get it out because it's certainly part of our adoption journey.
First off, a small note of where we are in the process -
We're Waiting.
Yep, that's pretty much it.  Not much else to report.  All our paperwork is done & we are just waiting for a referral....and waiting... and praying..... and waiting....and wondering how long the waiting might be....and waiting.  So, would sure love it if you keep on sharing all that waiting, praying, wondering along with us - makes it easier to keep on going!
Annnnnddddd, we're back.... back to the topic at hand that is.
As many of you are aware (& everyone has most likely figured out) we are a white, American family.  A white, American family waiting to accept a referral to adopt a black, African little boy. 
This doesn't scare us.  Do you think it should?  The truth is, I'm just not exactly sure if it should or shouldn't....
In a lot of ways I think it shouldn't. 
The Bible has been used to back up a lot of causes in history.  And I wish I could say they were all good justifiable causes, but I admit that's just not true (& if you don't know that, it's a good idea to be educated about it!!  Never a good idea to just pull out a verse & plaster it on your cause without really checking out if it jives with the rest of what Scripture says!)  However, the Bible has also been used to back up a lot of fantastic things in history & one of the TRUTHS of the Bible that has stood the test of time (despite others pulling out random verses that don't correlate with the whole of the Bible as a means for hatred) is the radical-for-the-time announcement of where God stands on racial/culture boundaries.   Verses like Galations 3:28:

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

and Romans 10:12

"For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all..."

and a bunch of others like those 2 are ones that I have read &  long thought "WOW! We are ALL made in the image of God" or in other more-known, more-simple words that my kiddos love to sing "Red & yellow, black & white, we are precious in His sight"...

And when it comes to adoption into HIS family, if God makes no difference on who He allows in  - black or white, slave or free, murderer that everyone knows about or adulterer that keeps it a secret, American or Ghanian, sinner that flaunts it or goody-two-shoes with skeletons in her closet - well, than why should I???  Why should we???  Why should we let race divide our families?  & let's just bring it on home.... Why should we let race divide our churches????  The truth is - We Shouldn't.

But while I know that truth in my heart & try to live it out in my life sometimes I wonder...

Maybe we should be more scared about it.... 

After all, what will the future hold for our black son growing up with white parents in a predominately white town & in a predominately white church? (FYI - both the town & the church have come a long way since I was little - much more diversity now & a lot more multi-racial families in both places which is a significant part of why we felt more comfortable adopting from Africa while living here.)

I've been starting to read more to prepare for our coming home times ahead... I recently finished a book called "The Color of Water:  A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother" by James McBride.  I should mention that in this case, the author is NOT adopted - his white mother is his biological birth mother who was married to a black man (who died early in the author's life).  The story itself is fascinating & goes back & forth between the two generations (the mother's & the son's).  It's

interesting to see the difference between the 2 time periods & how race is addressed in each generation.  For sure the author struggled at times to find his identity as a black kid living in a black community with a white mother who chose to not discuss race.  He says, "The question of race was like the power of the moon... It's what made the river flow, the ocean swell, and the ride rise, but it was a silent power..." & it was, essentially, ignored in his house.  I'm not really sold on the idea of ignoring race within our family, but I definitely think I'm still learning how to actually address it.  At one time when James McBride was a young boy he wrote, "I thought it would be easier if we were just one color, black or white....Now, as a grown man, I feel privileged to have come from two worlds....  I don't belong to any of those groups.  I belong to the world of one God, one people." 

I love how honest he is in saying those words....

Wouldn't it just be easier if we were all black or maybe all white?  Or if we were all Asian or all European? 

I'll be the first to admit that yes, that sounds simpler.  But the fact is, it's not what my God is about...  I smile as I type this because my God is about making the complex simple.  He's about taking that which seems hard & more of a challenge & making it come down to something so easy, so simple that once we figure it out - well, it frees us from the hard.  You see, my God is about LOVE.  He's about LOVING.  In fact, 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is the very meaning, the essence, of what LOVE is. 

So, I was actually reading the 10th Anniversary Edition of this book which meant I got to read an added-on Afterward that pretty much summed up what I was feeling as I finished the book (which is what I wrote above).... McBride's conclusion 10 years later was the same.  He says:

"The plain truth is that you'd have an easier time standing in the middle of the Mississippi River and requesting that it flow backward than to expect people of different races & backgrounds to stop loving each other...Love is unstoppable.  It is our greatest weapon, a natural force, created by God.... family love, a mother's love, gives us grace, courage, & power beyond measure."  A page later he writes, "Family love:  It is firm footing, something to cling to in a frightened world that seems to spin out of control with war, turmoil, terrorism, and uncertainty.  It is our highest calling and our greatest nobility." 

Beautiful...

So someday when my son asks me why I look different than him or why he looks different than his brother.... someday when the race issue is brought to the forefront of his mind because of some stupid thing that someone says who simply isn't captured by LOVE yet....

On those days I'm going to tell him, "Listen baby, you're right - mommy & daddy's skin color is different than your color and sometimes you may wish you were our color & sometimes we will wish we were your color but you know what?  We love you no matter what & we chose you to be in our family.  Not because of anything you did or because of your skin color or anything else people see on the outside but simply because we wanted you - we wanted you to be a part of our family."

Take that race-issue....