SO..... if this was a natural born baby I was carrying & birthing, we would be way past that 40 week mark. If we could say that all the praying/planning before we actually started paperwork was kind-of like all the "trying" months & that once we started the paperwork, we started our actual pregnancy, well, we'd be over by now.
And if we weren't past it by now, I would certainly be at the "GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!" stage in the pregnancy where you are screaming at everything that moves because, well frankly because you can't..... & so when something moves it just reminds you that you're stuck & not just stuck in & of yourself, but stuck because another person has taken over your body kind-of-stuck.... (No, I'm not dramatic at all - what in the world gave you that idea?!?!?!)
But sad for us, this isn't a "normal pregnancy" - the fruits of our labor (literally) have not come forth yet. This weekend we celebrated one of our family friends' birth of their 4th little one (& their first boy, which is super exciting!) & rejoiced with other family friends who accepted a referral (or rather found her on a waiting list) of a little girl in China. It's so exciting to watch how God grows families, isn't it?? You may think your done, or maybe you aren't sure.... you may wish it could be easier but in the end it's exactly how it's supposed to be.....
I guess I just want it to be stated that 9 months in & past paperwork & over a year in with out hearts & minds, it feels like we aren't even that far along still. Like maybe we are still in month 5??? That's hard to deal with sometimes as we wait & search waiting child lists & wait some more & then search some more... I can't imagine going through all this time, all this money & not ending up with a child at the end of it all. Is this a possibility? Yeah, in a lot of ways it still is which is a bit unthinkable really & I'm not sure how you grieve something you never had (I'm hopeful I won't ever have to know). But more than that, I think I'm just wanting to chronicle that God is growing me - in ways that I had always hoped but I wondered if it could really be done (after all I'm getting "old" - I've hit that age where I think it's best to just NOT reveal my age. And I guess I think that's one of the first signs your getting old - you hesitate & have to figure out if you are just going to say it & move on or mumble it & move on... either way, you're hoping to just move on....)
Yep, there's been 9 months of growth here for sure....It's possible you'll see it - not that there is another little person to see & you start wondering who he/she looks more like....No it's more that you'll look into my life & see, well, a better reflection of my Heavenly Father.
And while technically we are WAY past our "due date", I'm still hopeful that at some point we'll be able to type that post.... you know the whole "Thrilled to Announce" "Please join us in welcoming" Post. Who's excited for it already????? I know I sure am!!!
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