Never really planned to on this blog except that it's about to become a big part of our lives & well, it's been rolling around in my head for the past 2 weeks, so you know... feel like I should get it out because it's certainly part of our adoption journey.
First off, a small note of where we are in the process -
We're Waiting.
Yep, that's pretty much it. Not much else to report. All our paperwork is done & we are just waiting for a referral....and waiting... and praying..... and waiting....and wondering how long the waiting might be....and waiting. So, would sure love it if you keep on sharing all that waiting, praying, wondering along with us - makes it easier to keep on going!
Annnnnddddd, we're back.... back to the topic at hand that is.
As many of you are aware (& everyone has most likely figured out) we are a white, American family. A white, American family waiting to accept a referral to adopt a black, African little boy.
This doesn't scare us. Do you think it should? The truth is, I'm just not exactly sure if it should or shouldn't....
In a lot of ways I think it shouldn't.
The Bible has been used to back up a lot of causes in history. And I wish I could say they were all good justifiable causes, but I admit that's just not true (& if you don't know that, it's a good idea to be educated about it!! Never a good idea to just pull out a verse & plaster it on your cause without really checking out if it jives with the rest of what Scripture says!) However, the Bible has also been used to back up a lot of fantastic things in history & one of the TRUTHS of the Bible that has stood the test of time (despite others pulling out random verses that don't correlate with the whole of the Bible as a means for hatred) is the radical-for-the-time announcement of where God stands on racial/culture boundaries. Verses like Galations 3:28:
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
and Romans 10:12
"For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all..."
and a bunch of others like those 2 are ones that I have read & long thought "WOW! We are ALL made in the image of God" or in other more-known, more-simple words that my kiddos love to sing "Red & yellow, black & white, we are precious in His sight"...
And when it comes to adoption into HIS family, if God makes no difference on who He allows in - black or white, slave or free, murderer that everyone knows about or adulterer that keeps it a secret, American or Ghanian, sinner that flaunts it or goody-two-shoes with skeletons in her closet - well, than why should I??? Why should we??? Why should we let race divide our families? & let's just bring it on home.... Why should we let race divide our churches???? The truth is - We Shouldn't.
But while I know that truth in my heart & try to live it out in my life sometimes I wonder...
Maybe we should be more scared about it....
After all, what will the future hold for our black son growing up with white parents in a predominately white town & in a predominately white church? (FYI - both the town & the church have come a long way since I was little - much more diversity now & a lot more multi-racial families in both places which is a significant part of why we felt more comfortable adopting from Africa while living here.)
I've been starting to read more to prepare for our coming home times ahead... I recently finished a book called "The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother" by James McBride. I should mention that in this case, the author is NOT adopted - his white mother is his biological birth mother who was married to a black man (who died early in the author's life). The story itself is fascinating & goes back & forth between the two generations (the mother's & the son's). It's
interesting to see the difference between the 2 time periods & how race is addressed in each generation. For sure the author struggled at times to find his identity as a black kid living in a black community with a white mother who chose to not discuss race. He says, "The question of race was like the power of the moon... It's what made the river flow, the ocean swell, and the ride rise, but it was a silent power..." & it was, essentially, ignored in his house. I'm not really sold on the idea of ignoring race within our family, but I definitely think I'm still learning how to actually address it. At one time when James McBride was a young boy he wrote, "I thought it would be easier if we were just one color, black or white....Now, as a grown man, I feel privileged to have come from two worlds.... I don't belong to any of those groups. I belong to the world of one God, one people."
I love how honest he is in saying those words....
Wouldn't it just be easier if we were all black or maybe all white? Or if we were all Asian or all European?
I'll be the first to admit that yes, that sounds simpler. But the fact is, it's not what my God is about... I smile as I type this because my God is about making the complex simple. He's about taking that which seems hard & more of a challenge & making it come down to something so easy, so simple that once we figure it out - well, it frees us from the hard. You see, my God is about LOVE. He's about LOVING. In fact, 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is the very meaning, the essence, of what LOVE is.
So, I was actually reading the 10th Anniversary Edition of this book which meant I got to read an added-on Afterward that pretty much summed up what I was feeling as I finished the book (which is what I wrote above).... McBride's conclusion 10 years later was the same. He says:
"The plain truth is that you'd have an easier time standing in the middle of the Mississippi River and requesting that it flow backward than to expect people of different races & backgrounds to stop loving each other...Love is unstoppable. It is our greatest weapon, a natural force, created by God.... family love, a mother's love, gives us grace, courage, & power beyond measure." A page later he writes, "Family love: It is firm footing, something to cling to in a frightened world that seems to spin out of control with war, turmoil, terrorism, and uncertainty. It is our highest calling and our greatest nobility."
Beautiful...
So someday when my son asks me why I look different than him or why he looks different than his brother.... someday when the race issue is brought to the forefront of his mind because of some stupid thing that someone says who simply isn't captured by LOVE yet....
On those days I'm going to tell him, "Listen baby, you're right - mommy & daddy's skin color is different than your color and sometimes you may wish you were our color & sometimes we will wish we were your color but you know what? We love you no matter what & we chose you to be in our family. Not because of anything you did or because of your skin color or anything else people see on the outside but simply because we wanted you - we wanted you to be a part of our family."
Take that race-issue....
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