In fact, in terms of adoption, this notion is a stumbling block for Christians especially. Have you heard it before?
"Oh adoption isn't really for us. Too many kids come out of it with issues."
"There's no way we would ever adopt. I mean, have you SEEN the kids that are adopted? It rarely works out good."
And I could sit here & throw the "Your bio kids have the same chance of ending up with issues" card back in their face, but in the end I think the root of it all goes much deeper than just that...
The root is about what we define as a "good kid"....
Is a good kid the kid who easily gets through school with A's & B's???
Is a good kid the kid who has lots of friends & is socially not considered "awkward"???
Is a good kid the kid that we don't feel "weird" around???
Is a good kid the kid that doesn't ask hard questions that we struggle to answer???
Is a good kid the kid who we don't have to talk about hard stuff with???
Is a good kid the one who turns out just like us & fits into our "box"??
How do we define good????????
Maybe I'm alone here or maybe it's just me getting older, but more & more I'm seeing that the "good" isn't always easy & hard isn't always "bad"....
It starts when you watch a bad situation in your life turn your character into something beautiful.
It starts when you watch your friend's little son's cancer produce awe-inspiring things in the life of their family.
It starts when you watch your mom be a caregiver all of her life to a Down Syndrome sister, a handicapped brother & a head-injury mom, and yet she still gives & gives & gives & gives.
It starts when you watch a child who, had he not been brought into a loving family, would have been stuck in an ongoing world of abuse & neglect. Does it "save" him? turn him "good"? Maybe. Maybe not.
So where does it end???
I guess I don't know. And I'm willing to admit - It might end in hard. It might end in pain.... in heartache... separation... discomfort... .
So do we all just throw our hands up & say "It's not worth it. He didn't "turn out" good and I have hurts because of how hard it was" ??????
Man, I sure hope not. Because if when I was hard & unloveable & living a life contrary to what my Lord wanted, He sure didn't give up on me.
It wasn't like "Well, she's good, so let's go ahead & choose to love her."
It was more like: "Wow! That one is a mess & when I look ahead into all the years of her life, she is still a mess who is so slow to catch onto what I'm teaching her. I mean she is full-of-issues mess, but you know what? I want to choose her & love her, and maybe, just maybe that love will mean more than any messed-up, issue-driven, hard that it's in her life."
So, please people, let's stop using "hard" as an excuse. I'm not saying everyone should adopt because Lord knows that I don't think that's the case!! But to use "They might have issues & it might interrupt my vision of what good & happy & fun & comfort is all about." No thanks.
It's time to stop being afraid of the hard. It's time to change our definition of good.
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