Ok, so a little over a week ago, I wrote the "Words" post. If I was smart, I would know how to just type the word "here" & you would click on it & it would take you to that post in case you didn't read that one yet, but here's the deal.... I'm not smart. At least not in terms of blogs & internet & technology - and some would argue that I'm just not smart, but again... that's a whole 'nother post....
So, here's the 2 things I was reminded of after I wrote the "Words" post....
First, I do & feel SO much better when I actually learn to express my feelings - whether verbally or writtenly.... (and yes, spell check, I again realize that is not a word, but this is where my smarts are again showing - I cannot think of how else to say that word....if someone has an idea, feel free to let me know - in a kind way please & thank you!).... Anyway, this was a lesson I started learning a little over a year ago - for some reason in the past it was working for me just to bottle up & not talk about my own feelings, to just "power through", but I think in anyone's life that is only going to work for so long.... For me, it fell apart having my littlest- things weren't going so well during that pregnancy & after, & I finally learned that if I told my hubby how I was really feeling, I felt better (& our marriage got better too - added BONUS!)....
Second, I did some major talking to the Lord. This is another thing I have had to grow in - I've always loved to read my Bible - I mean I go through ups & downs of actually taking the time to do it, but once I start back up again, I actually just crave reading it & learning from it (see? I do have a bit of smarts about me!). But to take the time to be still? to not only talk to the Lord but to be still before Him? Well, that's a toughie for me... But I took some time to do that - to quiet myself before Him & to just tell Him little things like:
"I trust you." ......
"I know you love me."....
"I know you have a special place in your heart for orphans & you honor the requests of those who want to give them forever families."......
"I know you know the desires of our family's heart.".......
(And if I wasn't sitting in McDonald's on a lunch break from teaching, I would take the time to type out all the verses that back up all I just said, but I am.... sitting in McDonald's that is.....& freezing by the way - just literally shaking from the cold. Thanks for the Wi-Fi, but could I get a little heat in here?!?!)
Anyway, remembering those things always bring me out of myself & back to the Prince of Peace & geez, aren't there just days that you want that so, so bad????
I mean, seriously, I HATE it when people tell me God is a "crutch" & again, could totally do a tangent on that one because it's one of the most ignorant things someone can say, but then, you know what? On the other hand, sometimes I guess I just NEED a "crutch", don't you?!?!?! I mean, aren't there days in your life that you just want to lean on something, someone, some "other" than yourself?!?!?! And you hardly feel like putting another foot in front of the other because it's quite possible without that "crutch" you would fall to the ground?!?!?!
I have days that like that. And a week ago, I had a few days like that. And I had to get out my "crutch" because without it I wanted to just sit & fall & wallow. And you know what, thank GOD for a "crutch"!
So in the past week, I've re-learned those 2 lessons that I should have learned awhile ago (not sure why this whole "smarts" thing keeps coming up this post, but it does....).
Yesterday helped too - Yesterday we spent an hour - yes a FULL HOUR on the phone with our Ghana program coordinator from Dillon. First off I would just like to say, God bless GameCube & "screen time" as we call it which kept my kids distracted enough that Ryan & I could actually have an adult conversation on the phone with another adult (nearly a miracle, I'm telling you....). Second, God bless Dillon International & our coordinator. LOVE, LOVE this agency & her!! I cannot tell you how many times I think this - in a country without "rules & regulations" & where you get to choose whether you will live a life of integrity or deceit, they are doing things RIGHT & we are beyond grateful for that!! It's why leaving our agency will be the LAST RESORT for us.
(OK - side note - I have decided that McDonald's is blowing cold air in here to get us to by their coffee. Which is so underhanded..... but it is SO working!!!)
So, our coordinator spends an hour talking to us about the state of international adoption in Ghana. Things are tough right now, yes, but they are tough everywhere... & doors are not shutting in Ghana right now... YET. Will it happen? Maybe.... Will it happen in the next year? Maybe, but it's not looking that way right now. Is Ghana a program for older kids right now? YES - really always has been. BUT - Is a 3 year old considered an older kid? YES.
Another God thing that happened was yesterday I had to make a quick run to Wal-Mart & I truly believe it was NOT a coincidence that I ran into our friend from church who is also in the process of adopting from Ghana (with another agency). She is a bit more adoption-experienced than we are, so she said to make sure we asked our coordinator about the other 2 families ahead of us on the referral list (remember we are number 3). I never would have thought to ask this & guess what?? The other 2 families ahead of us are looking for older children (5 & up) & one of them really prefers a girl..... Do you know what this means???? This means that the next 3 year old boy that comes up could very likely end up being referred to us! And the likelihood that it will happen within the next 12 months isn't that crazy to imagine......
And I type this long post, shaking like a leaf in McDonalds, not as just a reminder on this crazy journey, but to encourage you that God is working - He is always working!! In fact (as my small group study reminded me last week) in Isaiah, it says He is actually sitting on His Throne working.... He is not wringing His hands in worry; He is not pacing wondering what to do next; He doesn't have His finger to His head trying to come up with a new plan because international adoption is slowing down. HE IS WORKING! And He is working for my good & His glory..... And He is working because He loves me.
Wow..... I am so grateful..... and also so cold, so very, very cold...
No comments:
Post a Comment