In one minute....

In one minute the whole direction of your life can change...
Our family's just did....
Have you had this happen to you before?  Probably you have but just in case you haven't - if you imagine someone standing straight in front of you & just punching you square in the gut, then yep, you got it. 
That happened today. 
In one minute, I read the email from our adoption coordinator. "...a directive has been issued from the ministry to the regional directors that all adoptions must be suspended in Ghana immediately"
And that was it.  Just like that. 
What it means is that we're waiting to hear back about what our options are at this point - hoping to hear some the end of this week & some next week.  (By the way, you can't wait on 2 lists/2 countries - you have decide on one & go with it.)
What it means is that we will most likely not be with the Ghana program (if there will even be one after this week), especially since we hadn't even received a referral.  In adoption terms, that means we are on the bottom of the dog pile.
What it also means is that we've "lost" a year of time, months of paperwork & a half of our adoption money that we had set aside.  (I say "lost" because we won't ever get that back.)
And if I let my mind go there - on what it all means right now  - well, I would be the one lost.  Lost in regret, lost in anxiety, lost in despair...
But here's my "1000 Gifts" List:
First, I'm so thankful for the way God has been working on my heart the past week.  If He hadn't I wouldn't have been able to hear this news today.
Second, I'm so thankful for my hubby - my steady hubby who trusts & loves so much better than I do. 
Third, I'm thankful for my kids.  Oh my darling children.  I don't know how we will tell them.  It will be quite a lesson on trust & hurt & trust again for them as well.  The daily/nightly prayers they uttered on behalf of their "brother from Ghana" & the orphans of Ghana.....  The African music that is played often in our house...(& was in fact, sung to by them even today after I heard the news - you better believe I was choking back tears the whole time.)  At some point when we have some clearer direction we will share with them, but in the meantime we will keep praying with them for the dear little ones in Ghana & believe that nothing is wasted (if you haven't read my last post, now would be a good time to switch over there:  http://www.livingloveeph5.blogspot.com/2013/04/nothing-is-wasted.html)
{{The above was written on Tuesday night, the night after we found out....continuing on with thoughts that I have had in the past 2 days since...}}
As of today, nothing has changed & really, I think there is still so much to process with all of this.  This week is a waiting like we have never waited before (more like a waiting-on-pins-&-needles kind-of waiting).  It still, as I type this & think over it all, makes me feel sick to my stomach & if I let it go on, could make me "lost" as I said before. 
I am thinking on these things as I pray:
The main thing is that (& I'll just be honest here - this is going to be somewhat controversial & not sit well with everyone) it's true I believe in miracles & believe that God could completely change the heart of the National Minister in charge of all this.  Really, I do.... but I think when I get wrapped up in praying for that & for some big huge miracle to occur, I'm missing what God is doing now, right now, in this situation.  Sunday we had a phenomenal sermon about prayer based off Acts 4:23-31.  The disciples had just been pulled into court & essentially told to stop talking about Jesus, and they decide to gather & pray.  This is a pivotal point in their ministry & in that moment, everything hinged on their next decision.  They sure must have had a "punch-in-the-gut" experience as they were faced with either death from talking or staying silent about the Lord who had changed their lives & commanded them to "Preach the Gospel".   If you study that prayer, there is very little supplication (or asking/telling God what to do/how to do it).  The majority of the prayer begins with acknowledging who God is, in other words, His character, and also acknowledging what He has done & said in the past, His faithfulness.... There is once verse in there asking for boldness (vs. 29) but everything else is just praises & expressed confidence in who God is & that His will is what will prevail.   As I type this, all I can think is, "Teach me Lord"..... "Teach me to pray like that!  To be so sure & confident in You that I don't have to go asking for something all the time.  To be so sure & confident in You that I know you will do what is for our good, for the good of the children in Ghana & for Your glory according to Your time & Your purposes."  I want that more than anything else.... you know what friends?  I want that more than I want another child.  And that is really, really hard to say right now, but it's the cry of my heart & it's the lifting up of my hands & it's the laying down of my will & it's the bowing of my knees....  Your will Lord Jesus, not based on what I wish would happen, not based on what I think would be the best way or the good way, but based on who YOU are!!
To be honest, it's been hard to not just want to hole up & want to take time to process all of this - I'm having to force myself to keep going, keep getting out.  Yesterday I went on a walk with my little one, & my sister & 3 of my nieces.  The 2 older ones were riding their bike & it was a bit of a trek... We had instructed them to stop at each of the corners to take a break & wait for us slow mommies to catch up.  At some point in one of the blocks, they stopped at a nice shady spot because they said they wanted a break.  Quickly we had caught up to them & they had to get back on their bikes & then go just a short distance to the corner where they should have stopped & waited for us & where they would have had a longer break & not had to get back up on their bikes.  Now, I'm probably reading way more into this than I should but you know what I thought??  I thought to myself "Ryan & Janelle, do NOT get off the bike when it feels like you're tired & need a break.  Do NOT get off the bike because it seems like a good spot to stop.  Because if you hold on a little longer, He will take you to the right break - the right end, not the one that seems easy & safe to you, but to the one that will reap more reward."  So hear me on this, I'm not going to get off the bike this time & sit in my bed & question why He started us on this journey over a year ago only to have it feel like it's "ending" here.  I'm not going to start to question His character because a lady who has a high degree of power in Ghana gave out a directive halting adoptions.  We may need to steer in another direction, yes, that much is true, but it's not like we get off the bike when things don't seem to go as planned. 
(And by the way, if you have been along this journey with us, would you keep pedaling behind us??  We need the push of your prayers & the encouragement that you bring to us;  it helps to know you're cheering us on & care about us!)
Lastly, as a side note, I don't know what in life you are facing right now that feels like a punch-in-the-gut....  but if you claim Christ as your Savior & Master, then keep on pedaling - don't give up now!!  We both know that God is Much Too Wise, Much Too Good, Much Too Loving to only bring you this far & leave you.  The end may not be what you want it to be, but it will be much better...
And if you don't believe & you're trying to muddle through the muck & mire of that situation, there is a God who loves you dearly, who not only created you in a unique way, but longs to redeem Your life from that pit & set you back on a firm road of purpose.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber."  (Psalm 121:1-3)

Amen..... Selah....